Encouraging Others

After having a few different conversations today with different people I decided I wanted to blog! I'm so glad our computer is temporarily working so that I'm able to do this.


So, basically I am disappointed by the discouragement I hear/witness people giving to others. Mainly mothers. I see a lot of other mothers being judgmental or discouraging to other mothers. It's disappointing to see. Why do some people feel the need to press upon others their beliefs. It's different to state what you think is right. But are you doing it in an encouraging, loving manor? Or are you attacking them? How would they perceive that? Not all people receive things the same. Obviously God made us all different. That means you can respond to someone the same as another person. We each have our own individual needs. When you approach someone are you considering how they might need to hear things? Are you even considering that they may not even need to hear it?! It's possible! I've heard stories and even had other mothers say things that need not be said! Just because you as a parent deem something right and a must, doesn't mean someone else does! We all have different goals for our children. Not to mention we all have different children and we as mother's know them best. Why aren't other mom's more encouraging. Why are there so many Facebook posts and blogs basically telling a parent what they should and shouldn't do?! You never know where a person might be. For example, when I had Collin, I was in a new place. We had just moved to Michigan. I had a 17mo boy who would hardly sit still. My husband also worked a ton and was hardly ever home. I was suffering with postpartum depression only I hadn't identified it quite yet. It was near impossible for me to nurse Collin. It was THE hardest decision I've ever made to stop nursing Collin. I had someone tell me that I should suck it up and keep going because nursing wasn't easy. This person had never been in my situation. Had NO idea my personal struggles and made a judgment that did not need to be said. Made me feel like the worst Mother in the world because I made the decision to stop nursing. Thankfully, on the flip side, I had a few encouraging Mother's who encouraged me to do what was best for me AND my baby! Smart! It was one of the best parenting advice I've ever heard. It gave me the strength to hold my head high and do what I needed to do! With not the greatest confidence....but I still did it. And looking back, I would've made the same decision. All that was to say, why would another mother say something so harsh and negative knowing how hard motherhood can be?! Why?! Knowing I had special circumstances. Why not encourage me? So basically, I wanted to write this post to encourage us, as mothers, as wives, as people in general, why not take a step back and realize you may not know everything. What you may think is right, might not be the answer for everyone. Why not take a second to think about what is best to say. Evaluate whether it's wise and whether it will actually help this person out. I am a Christian woman and I've just been convicted lately, to not speak so quickly. To have compassion for a situation I might not understand. To respect another human being. So let us all be encouraged to be careful what we say. Let's all think about how someone might receive something. I just thought I'd blog this cause it was on my heart today! :-)

Reflection

Today I was really reflecting and thinking of all the wonderful gifts God's given me. This summer was NUTS! Beyond anything I ever imagined happening in my life. To be honest, to this day, it feels like a dream. But I was down, really low this summer. I couldn't care for my children. I could barely text on my phone. I was literally dying. Living life felt like a chore. And I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it seriously (at times) felt like such a chore to just breath! My whole life all I've ever wanted is to be a wife and mother. When it finally all happened for me, I thought I'd have no troubles. I did things the way I see the Bible tells me to. I did it all "right" . I stayed focused and dedicated. I had two healthy (well....we won't count Collin's food allergies...hahaha) baby boys. I had an amazing husband who supported me through everything. I had everything I've ever wanted. Life was easy! Yet, I was ungrateful. I saw other people planning their lives and I thought "Hey! If they can plan having a baby, plan vacations, plan their lives, so can I." I planned to get pregnant at the end of May even though Theo wasn't exactly on board with it. I thought since everyone else was doing it, I could too! Then I got Leukemia. WHAT?!?!?! I mean, I was literally bleeding out. And it still took a friend refusing to do anything but take me to the hospital. Lauren Rupert literally saved my life! So fyi: Thanks Lauren! I wouldn't be here today without your help! :-) Anyways, it all happened so fast. I was so sick that like I said, living life was hard to do. So the first 2 weeks were a surreal blur. Theo stayed strong. Was by my side in addition to taking care of the boys, trying to figure out work issues....that man....stronger than I ever imagined he could be. Not that I didn't think he was strong, but he just showed and proved how loyal and strong he was. So when I started feeling good enough to get on Facebook or text, throughout all this, I struggled. Not with having Leukemia. That was beatable, and the odds were "ever in my favor" (Hahaha Catch that Hunger Games fans?!) So I was never worried/stressed about my Leukemia battle. What kept hitting my heart was that I may never have children again. What struck my heart was that I couldn't care for my children. While I was struggling through life, my children were calling my Mother "Mom", they were seeing Theo more than they were seeing me. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? I did everything God told me (or so I thought) and I felt I was almost being punished. It also kept popping in my mind that it seemed everyone around me was planning their life and getting what they want, but I was getting cancer. It occurred to me that this was obviously something I never planned. When I finally became married, got to be in charge of my own household (of course with Theo being the leader), got to raise my two beautiful children....I thought nothing would ever change that. I thought because I did things God's way, I would be rewarded. Well, my version of rewards was NOT getting cancer. lol So eventually, I've processed all this. It all still feels like a dream. But I've gained new prospective. First of all, God did NOT have to let me live. My life is a gift. HE deemed it good for me to stick around...and in that, I am grateful! Also, just because I got cancer doesn't mean HE doesn't love me. Or that he was punishing me. All it means is that HE knew I was strong enough to go through it. HE wanted me in that situation to be a light for HIM. He also wanted to show me that even though I got all I ever wanted, it's a gift he chose to give me! HE gave it to me!!! He didn't have to! Not everyone has what I have! It's a blessing. I think I took it all for granted. I thought because I got what I wanted and in my eyes did what HE wanted me to, that VIOLA! I could do what I wanted! Wrong! My life is not my own. I am God's! Not mine! I don't deserve anything. He's blessed me with what I have. I've learned to appreciate having my own home on a whole new level. I've appreciated having energy to even get up in the mornings. That's definitely something I took for granted. When I had postpartum depression after Collin it was VERY hard to even open my eyes in the morning. And this summer, I experienced it again on a new level. I was literally dying and it was hard. I couldn't care for my children. The children God gave me. They were being raised by someone else. Not that I'm ungrateful for that. Cause I am MOST certainly grateful my parents stepped up and even though it was rough, took care of my children. Especially my Mom! (My Dad worked a lot) She really tried hard to raise my children how I would raise them! So I am completely grateful for that. But it was still hard to know I gave birth to two children and I wasn't the one raising them! I wasn't the one teaching them everything they were learning. I wasn't able to be there for my husband. I mean, I could a bit...but I could not cater to all his needs. In fact, I couldn't hardly take care of myself! The other day, when I was doing laundry it gave me such joy! That's never happened before. Laundry is THE worst chore in my opinion! (yes, Carissa....I know! It's your favorite! lol) But the other day I found myself being grateful that I could go down the basement stairs, start laundry, bring a basket of it UP the stairs, fold and hang all the clean clothes....I mean...this summer...that wasn't even close to a possibility for me. Taking care of my household and homeschooling my children has allowed me to have a whole new gratefulness for life. For the life God's given me. For the fact that I can even do these things. It's so easy to take for granted everything in life. For example...my legs. What about people who are in a wheelchair for their life?! They don't even get to have the possibility of walking. Do I still struggle with things? Yes. Mainly having a baby. I want another one so bad. And having people say "Be glad you have two beautiful children already." or "It wasn't God's plan." still stings. But I'm happy to say that through MUCH prayer, it's slowly becoming easier. It's easier to be happy for other people. Not necessarily that I'm ready to know everything about someone's pregnancy, but I'm getting there. Some people I still had to hide in my Facebook news feed, so that I don't cause hurt to my heart when logging onto Facebook. But it could all be so much worse. I don't know if I'll ever have another baby. I don't know what plans God has. I hope for the best. I use Hannah in the Bible as strength to remind myself that God has a plan! And he KNOWS my heart. Life may not bring me what I think I need/want, but HE's in control and knows what's best for me. So for now, I am beyond grateful for being exhausted by a days work in my household. I take joy in the fact that doing good for my family is doable! I celebrate in doing laundry and cleaning my toilets! Thank you God! You have blessed me richly and for that I am grateful!

Two Years!!!!!

So this time I'm getting on things a tad bit earlier than I did Isaiah's. haha Collin turned TWO!!!! I can't believe that happened! It's flown by! Especially with all the crazy events in our lives these past two years, it's really just flown by! So here's Collin's 2 year blog post! :)


Name: Collin Henry Scheungrab
Nickname: Ceebs, Mr La-pew (My Mom's name for him) and Shmootsy-Poo
Birthday: September 8th, 2011
Favorite People: Brother and Daddy
Favorite Toys: Buzz, Woody and Bullseye
Favorite Color: Doesn't really have on yet
Favorite Food: Hot Dogs and McDonald's Fries
Favorite Drink: Rice Milk
Height: I believe 32 inches...not too far behind his brother. He's in the 92nd percentile!
Weight: 26lbs....finally put on some weight!
Achievements: Collin can run, jump and keep up pretty well with Brother. He's not potty trained but that's due to Momma's busy summer.
Extra: Collin is our very fun loving boy! Very energetic and social! He keeps us on our toes every second he's awake! And most times when he's supposed to be sleeping! ;-) He loves his Brother and Daddy. Is obsessed with Buzz and loves to make sure people KNOW he's around! He's our busy handful child, but we couldn't imagine our lives without him! We love you Collin Henry! Happy Birthday!

The Big 3! (WAY overdue!)

I finally decided to blog Isaiah's 3rd Birthday! I've never had a desire to scrapbook or do a baby book...so I started a blog. It was supposed to help me keep up with these events. Well....here we are almost 6 months later and I'm finally blogging Isaiah Brent's 3rd Birthday! :) Also a note! I'm blogging according to his likes (as best I can remember)closer to his birthday!


Name: Isaiah Brent Scheungrab

Nickname: Dubbers

D.0.B: March 27, 2010 (share's his Aunt Addie's Birthday)

Height:It's been awhile...but I think 36 inches

Weight:50lbs

Favorite Person: Daddy (100% Daddy's boy)

Favorite Food: Pizza

Favorite Drink: Milk (but Momma doesn't let him have anything but water and milk)

Favorite Friend: Alexander Hercula or Ms Ashley and Gary Wilson

Potty Trained:Day time!!!!! Hip hip hooray! He pretty much did it on his own! Nap time he's normally fine. Still working on nighttime!

Favorite Toys: Nuggies (his little blanket), Batman, Toy Story and any "boy" type toy!

Achievements: Can count to 10 (sometimes higher) and sing A-B-C's

What He Wants To Be When He Grows Up: "I wanna be Dr Severance!"

Extra's: Isaiah is such a fun loving boy! He's active and highly intelligent! He impresses us every day with his crazy perception of what's going on in the world around him. He always asks questions that can't ever be avoided with some small answer. He's very much like his father. Sensitive but very bold and daring! We love him so much more every day! Happy (WAY belated) Birthday Isaiah Brent! We love you!

Short and Sweet....

I've been wanting to blog for awhile. Lately, I've just had so many emotions. Of course it's all to be expected. With everything my body is being put through, it's just hard to keep up mentally and physically! My biggest weakness is the mental part. When I'm mentally just not there, weak, suffering....it's so hard for anything else to function. So lately I've just felt like blogging my emotions. But tonight? All I have energy to say is....I've had a range of emotions lately and it's made me want to blog. Eventually I will get to do it....but for now. This is all I got. I also need to blog Collin's 2nd Birthday! Not even sure I did Isaiah's 3rd. Oie! So much to do!

Ohhhh My Ovaries!!!!!!!!

So this will be a very brief short blog. But I just had to say it! My ovaries are SCREAMINGGGGGGG!!!!! So many people have recently had babies and my "baby" is no longer a baby and it's making me extremely sad and wanting. And not just a baby. TWINS! I want twins! Twin boys! I've officially decided I will borrow other people's girls, but I don't need one! LOL So twin boys would be SO nice! I just have such an empty hole from missing Collin's twin. Not naming it. Not knowing whether it was a boy or girl. I just always see a picture of twins and feel such a loss and longing! So my ovaries are screaming! I pray to God all day every day recently about this. I know I can't get pregnant now. I'm so unhealthy and struggling to barely live. But...I'm praying to God that if I'm not to get pregnant he helps slowly soothe that ache for me. Because I just don't want to long and be sad my whole life if that's what God's plan is! So that's all I have to say today!

A Cup of Tea and A Little Bit of Quiet.......

Good Morning! It's almost 7a.m. and this is the second morning in a row that I've been up before 7a.m. Yesterday I thought I'd be productive and look up a bunch of information that I needed. This morning? I've decided to make myself a cup of Hot Honey Lemon Tea (my favorite) using local honey. As a side note, I love local honey! It's just so much more pure and rich tasting. I use a lot less of it than I do the store processed kind. I hope to never go back to that! Local honey is the way to go! Plus, it's a bonus that it's helping with my allergies! Anyways, this morning I decided to set aside some time to blog. What better time than early in the morning?


So, a crazy amount of things have been going on in my life lately. So many times I wanted to blog and I would blog in my head, hahaha, but that's not exactly the same as actual blogging. There's just been so many emotions, ideas, thoughts I've wanted to record. But among the craziness it just hasn't happened.


Let's start with, I'm FINALLY out of the hospital!!!!! Hip hip hooray for that! I was going on 6 weeks of being in there. Not the most pleasant place ever. I was released July 5th after my bone marrow biopsy. Since then, I've going through another round of chemo. Actually, that was just last week! I started round two July 22nd. It was four days in a row of chemo. I will say, this chemo hit me harder quicker than the first one did. I was pretty unfuctionally exhausted. I can't even explain to you how hard it was to keep my eyes open. I thought I was tired when I was pregnant with Isaiah. I guess this tiredness was different because it was so hard to even think. Whereas my pregnancy with Isaiah, I was just physically exhausted. haha So, I was kind of surprised about how quickly the chemo kicked in and how tired I was. I'm a week out from the last day of chemo, and I'm feeling a LOT better. Random nausea but medicine helps with that! I'm still physically pretty tired but at least now my brain is in full gear back to normal. haha It's really funny to have your brain be so active and clear but have your body in like slow motion. haha!


I finally had to cut my hair! I had it cut short while I was in the hospital, but last week I just had to have it basically go short like a boy. I'm loosing a LOT of hair on top of my head, so with longer hair it was starting to A)make it look bad (though thank goodness I have curly hair...had it of been straight this would've happened a lot sooner)and B)Just get too much to deal with coming out in the shower or randomly just falling out. I went into the beauty salon with intentions of just shaving it. But the stylist was so sweet and took time to sit with me, actually look at my hair and realize I wasn't emotionally ready to just shave it. So she cut it the shortest it's ever been! It's off my neck and basically a small curly fro. I wasn't in love with it. Obviously, I wanted my long hair back. haha It's grown on me since then though. BUT! I do absolutely LOOOOVE the fact that all I have to do is wake up. I don't even mousse it! Which is something that I needed when struggling with energy. Yesterday, I actually discovered that putting a headband in it makes me like it way more. So today, I'll be going to get lots of cute headbands. I'm excited because with longer hair it makes my hair thinner and every time I tried wearing one, it'd just fall off. But I wore one all day yesterday and hardly ever noticed! As in, it didn't hurt behind my ears much. So I'm more excited about my hair now, than I was originally. Also, I'm excited cause I may not have to shave my head at all! It's not falling out in the back! The back is very thick and growing. The top is definitley struggling and in general my hair is dried out and not it's normal. But I'm encouraged thinking this is the worst of it. We'll see! I have to say though, I've learned to appreciate hair on a whole new level. I've never really cared one way or another with my hair. My Dad never let me cut it when I was living in his house....so I learned to just braid it and that's about it. But since moving out on my own, (When I was 19) cutting it short (cause it used to be so long) and experimenting with color, style, length I just started to learn to appreciate my hair. And now? I definitely appreciate it on a whole new level. God gave women hair for a reason! It's a covering! I can't even put into words the raw emotions I've felt by continually cutting it shorter and shorter. Especially when it's not by choice. It's just been an experience that I hope to never have to deal with....ever again! haha


Besides chemo and loosing hair, there's our housing/Theo's work situation. We waited and waited for orders to Station Washington D.C. that the Coast Guard said they'd give us, only to find out at the end of last week that we didn't get orders. They want him still stationed out of Detroit but TDY (which is basically like a side assignment) in D.C. for six months. Which means MI pay. Which also means, if we have to return in six months, we don't want to get rid of our place there. So we went from having hope (even putting a lease on a house here in VA) of being in our own bed and home soon, to everything going up in flames! We still have no idea what we're going to do for housing. We can't afford rent in MI AND VA. We can't even afford rent in VA on MI pay. So! The boys are back with my Mom for right now. Theo is currently in MI getting his work gear and a few things for us. He starts back to work on Monday. I'm staying with family friends for now. So, it's been less than stressful trying to figure out what in the world we're going to do. If I could afford a Nanny, I would 100% be moving back to Michigan! It'd be a whole lot easier! Sadly, I don't have money for that. Today I will be making calls to see what kind of financial assistance I can get though. Oh! And this situation is made even more difficult because we only have one vehicle and it's a truck. So A)Theo cannot afford to commute to D.C. from Fredericksburg, VA in that and B)He can't even keep it parked at a commuter lot cause I need it for Dr's appointments. So, things have just been chaotic and stressful. And honestly, with me not knowing when I'll be able to sleep in my own bed in my own house....it's really stressing me out. It's very hard to fully relax because everything is so temporary. But Theo and I are trying to remain faithful to prayer and reading of scripture. It's so very hard to remain hopeful/peaceful when everything is so unsettled. But I know without a doubt that my God is faithful and even when I don't understand....HE does! And I keep reminding myself of that!


So there's an update. I'm glad I finally was able to blog! I don't think I forgot anything. haha!

Purity....Then Intimacy....Then Hospital Stay....What?

So, I've been wanting to write this post for awhile now. It's taken me awhile to get up enough energy to even pick up the laptop. Hopefully I can finish this before I get too tired. Ha!


So, as everyone who knows me knows (if not..then you must not know me very well....and that's okay....this'll teach you a lot about me! :) haha)I made a decision from a pretty early age to remain pure until marriage. To me that meant no sex before marriage and no dating "for the fun of it". I knew my desire was to be married and have children and I knew that the purpose of dating should only lead towards marriage. This was not something my parents made me do. It's not even something they asked me to do. Of course they taught me what was right according to scripture and that's really all I needed. So just about my whole life I've had a certain mind frame. Of course I had a few lessons to learn, a few stumbling blocks (but I never had sex) but for the most part I stayed true to that. I finally found "Mr Right"!!!! Hooray for me! Even though we only "dated" for 6 months it wasn't easy to control ourselves physically. As anyone who's been in a dating relationship can tell ya....it's hard! haha! But we kept one goal in mind and we stuck to it! I can't even explain in words how glorious that we are each other's first. Not that I care to get into the specific details of our sex life...haha...but it's amazing because he and I share that very special bond TOGETHER! As husband and wife! Just as God intended it to be! What I didn't realize was the strong sense of intimacy you can feel from just simply sitting next to each other on the sofa...or sleeping and cuddling in the same bed. I didn't realize that there was so much more to being husband and wife. Growing up, I think I kinda block some of those things out because I didn't want to know...I didn't want to know then have to fight temptation even more. But anyways....once we were married it was awesome because we no longer had to fight ANYTHING! Anything and everything we wanted to share physically/emotionally..didn't matter...we could do it! There were no boundaries for us and he and I both embraced that! And then.......


Here I pop up with cancer! haha! When something like this happens the first thing you think is NOT "Oh I probably won't have sex for awhile." In fact....they kept me so busy it didn't even occur to me for quite awhile. Then all the sudden I just got this feeling when I'd sleep. Almost like...and empty feeling maybe. I'm not quite sure. Now Theo has spent every single night with me in the hospital. Uncomfortable recliner and all. He sleeps right next to me every night. But that's when I realized....he wasn't actually sleeping WITH me! We've had little to none skin to skin contact (because of my low blood counts he doesn't even kiss me on the mouth out of deathly fear he might pass on something that will make me more sick....he's so sweet to think of me and care for me like that!)we don't share a bed together, there's really no place for us to even cuddle cause no chair/bed/seat is big enough. So I got to thinking about how important that is for us. About week 3 is when we really started snipping at each other and having more issues than we've had in our whole 4 years (on the 27th Woop woop) of marriage. He and I hardly ever argue...but it was getting excessive. Just every little thing seemed to be an issue for us. So realizing that a huge part of the reason was was intimacy....which lead me to realize.....my WHOLE life the "end goal" for me was marriage. In my mind, then I could do whatever I wanted with my husband and I wouldn't have to control myself or anything. I dunno about anyone else...but for me I just thought...that's it. Then I'll never have to worry again. Since this has happened it hit me like a ton of bricks.....NOT!!!!! hahaha I know this is a test/trial/lesson for us to work through...and since I realized that things have gotten a LOT better. We're trying to verbally communicate more and we've worked through some of the issues we had. Which lead me to also realize that maybe because we're still very much "in love" and in the "honeymoon/newlywed phase" (some would say...hahaha)that maybe the physical/intimacy part of it sometimes gets in the way of us actually learning to verbally communicate. I know that there is a definite difference between married couples who sleep in the same bed every night and those who don't. I know there are several studies that show the couples are much more happy when they share the same bed than those who don't.


That all being said....I simply miss sharing one bed with my husband. One amazingly comfy king size bed! Under the same sheets. Maybe not even touching....but simply having him close really does make all the difference. I'm not sure what this road to healing me from cancer all consists of....but I wanted to record this because I want to remember how it feels. So maybe...one day...when it's not so easy for us (which I hope never happens) I can come back and read this...and remember what it's like to be without him. :)

Discouragement.....It happens to the best of us!

So many people have been so impressed with my attitude and upbeat-ness(?) lol through this whole cancer thing. But I've finally hit a stumbling block. Tomorrow will be week 4 of being in this hospital and I think it's finally hit me. I'd say it's mostly because my body (internally) has been at it's worst the past few days. The chemo's almost out of my system and my body is trying to recover on it's own. Which is tough. My counts will come up a little bit, then go down, then up, then down.....that's how it's been for almost a week now. When your body is fighting like that you just feel like crap. And it can easily get discouraging. Because the end to all of this is consistently coming UP...so one morning it'll come up but next morning sink down. I would rather it be consistently bad, then this roller coaster ride. It's just very discouraging. Meanwhile I'm staying cooped up in this room. It's starting to be very hard for me not to resent those in the "outside world"! haha I mean...I laugh....but it's not a good thing. There's just so many things you (meaning me) take for granted on a daily basis. I did realize the shower part of it. But with more and more fevers and more and more sweating them out in gross amounts of sweat...I've grown to appreciate showers on a whole new level. haha Other things like sleeping in the same bed with my husband. I plan to write another blog entry on that. I'll log on Facebook and see people getting together, going to parties, going to events, trying out new hairstyles, enjoying their every day activities and it's very VERY easy to become envious and resent it a little. Of course I know it's not right. And I AM happy for my friends/family....but at your low points sometimes it's hard to focus on positive. Thankfully Bible verse and prayer have been the most help. That and knowing God knows what he's doing...even when I don't. Also all the massive amounts of cards, colored pictures, photos, gifts, balloons....just....everything that show that people care enough to actually send something...it means so much. Especially since "gifts" is my main love language. haha! Anyways...I feel better after getting it out a little. So hopefully I can now go to sleep, sleep well through the night (without breaking into another 103 fever)and wake up to some good news. If not? That's okay! I know it's God's will and I will learn to be content with that! :)

Such a change of life....

So, I woke up pretty early this morning. No particular reason. I guess my body was just done resting. Anyways, I woke up super early...bout 5:30a.m. So, being that I'm in the hospital, of course not long after I wake up someone comes in to do whatever they do! lol So I sat up and started thinking about my day. Then it occurred to me....that normally, I don't get to think about my day before it starts. On a "normal" day I'm woken up by "Good Morning, Momma!" or cries, screams or the horrible stench of poop. haha! I have officially been in the hospital for 2 weeks today. Well...two weeks by this afternoon...but anyways...two weeks. And I for the first time in two weeks I actually woke up and thought about how my day was going to go. The funny thing is? Yeah, nothing is on my agenda! lol I thought about taking a shower...and I really need to, but honestly....it just seems FAR too exhausting. Just for the heck of it...let's go through a list of things I have to do JUST to shower.


Step 1:Call a nurse
Step 2:Unhook my heart monitor
Step 3:Peel off all the stickers from the heart monitor (about 5)
Step 4:Peel the wire off the stickers themselves.
Step 5:Take a sticky-magic-wand thingy and go to each spot the stickers have been and rub off the sticky. Cause trust me, that stuff doesn't just come off in the shower. lol
Step 6:Have nurse tape over my Port.
Step 7:Finally make it to the taking off of the clothes phase.
Step 8:Finally shower...which is exhausting thinking about after I just listed everything above.
Step 9:Get out of shower with help from Theo because I'm terrified of falling in that tiny bathroom.
Step 10:Dry off and put clothes on, not real clothes of course. (figured I'd combine those lol)
Step 11:Call the nurse back in.
Step 12: Have heart monitor stickers replaced.
Step 13: Connect wires to stickers of heart monitor.
Step 14: Plug my heart monitor back in.
Step 15: Have the nurse re bandage my port


I believe that's it. That doesn't include brushing my hair, putting on any kind of deodorant etc. And honestly, blogging this...has simply made me want a nap. haha! So, today, my plans consist of taking a shower that takes at LEAST 15 steps. But before that? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm going to take a nap! haha!

And on the 3rd Day.......

"God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. Amen!" hahahaha! Sorry...I couldn't help but quote a little Mean Girls in there! So today is day three which means treatment number two of chemo. I can tell my hairs already hating this life. It does NOT approve of all this.....stuff. LOL So I'm working on getting someone to the hospital to just cut my hair short. Not ready to go bald quite yet (Dr said I won't go bald til after chemo....so in about a month)but it's too long to keep good maintenance. So, I'm working on that. I'm not looking forward to the tiredness I'll feel. I can feel it all start to kick in. I just don't have a ton of energy. My appetite is also like non existent and then ravenous at the worst times. Which basically means I literally FORCED food down my gullet all day, then once it came late night when everything was closed and hubby was already sleeping...that's when I was starved. So I'm going to have Theo run to the store today and pick me up some late night type foods. Cause I've got to keep energy up for chemo. So....besides that...no other issues really. I did take a nice little sleeping pill last night. That helped make up for all the sleeping I was trying to do all day yesterday and the nurses and Dr's wouldn't let me. LOL


I did want to mention publicly in my blog all the help that has been sent either my parents way or my way! I do so enjoy having cards/packages sent my way. And even more so I love knowing my Mom is receiving some help. Cause all my family members are way out of condition from having little one's around and it's seriously turned their house upside down. So because I am those children's mother...I feel a serious guilt/burden to help my parents out as best I can. So when someone sends them something I can't even EXPLAIN to you how much that helps me out! So thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, gifts and love towards me and my family during this time! You find out who your true friends are during times like these and lemme tell you what?! I didn't think I had so many loving/giving friends! :) Thank you!


Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

I wasn't exactly expecting that.....

So, I am about to begin my first chemo treatment in the morning. So far this process has been really nothing but a process for me. "What's the problem?" "We have to do A, B, C to fix it." "Let's get on it" Just a process. I know that God is in control and I was 100% secure in that. I guess it was only a matter of time. Today a friend came to visit me. She basically encouraged me to consider all options before starting chemo. Specifically considering storing my eggs. So I called my Dr to discuss more in detail the risk/time frame...etc. He was pretty straight forward with me. The chances of me being INFERTILE after chemo tends to be way higher than the chances of being fertile. It's more likely that I will be infertile than fertile. Which, obviously when I heard it....took a bit of stab to my heart. After discussing the options for going through a procedure to save and harvest my eggs...we thought...even at an accelerated rate...it'd take probably a week to save my eggs. I have acute Leukemia which means....fast moving. He explained to me that it's totally my choice but the reason they're acting so quickly is because it's not as bad right now. As of now I don't have to have a bone marrow transplant. If I let this prolong...there's no telling exactly what could happen. So...when praying and thinking about it more, I realized....it's not worth risking my life and possibly making things worse. I already have TWO beautiful children who need their mother. How fair would it be to them to risk my life to harvest eggs for a possible 3rd child. When I already have TWO that are here NOW and need me NOW. So, it was definitely a tough blow. I just wasn't expecting those numbers. I wasn't expecting that. I guess I should have expected that....but doesn't change the hurt.


I am 27 years old. I have cancer. I have a family. I have children. I may never be able to have children ever again. That's not something easy to accept. I know God's in control. 100% I know that! 100% I know...that no matter what...if God wants me to have that little girl...I WILL have it! No matter what! It doesn't take away the pain that it may not happen. It doesn't take away the pain that while many other women are growing their families as they planned and it all seems to be fitting into place, I'm sitting in the hospital away from my children with cancer and fighting for my life. Does it make my jealous of them right?! No! Do I feel bitterness to them? Not now. Maybe later. Does that make it okay? No! My heart grieves that I may NEVER again feel a child moving and kicking on the inside of me. It might also come more of a blow because recently I've been really looking into a healthier way to have a baby. Considering all my options. So that probably doesn't help. But still. I just needed to blog my feelings. I'm publicly saying, I understand that some of these feelings aren't okay. Some need to be corrected...and will in time. But I'm hurt. And this is not something easy to handle. But God NEVER gives you anything you can't deal with. And I KNOW that going through this will only strengthen my faith in HIM.


I would like to say, that I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. This is just a "me space" where I can go and talk about how I'm feeling. I'm not looking for comments. I'm not talking or hating anyone specifically. Just venting frustrations and hurts. That's all! This is not a blog post intending to hurt anyone's feelings. If it does, I'm very sorry. Not my intention. I just need to vent and get it out. I hope that God really works on my heart and fast so that I can be happy for others. Also...if you have some correction to make to my choices...please keep it to yourself. I don't need someone commenting telling me options I have or things I could do differently. Theo and I have talked and this is the path we're taking.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
1 Corinthians 10:13 "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

Life Changing Event!

So I thought I'd blog before everything gets going and I don't have energy to. I found out on Thursday, May 30, 2013 that I have Leukemia. But let me do a back story.


A couple of weeks ago I started seeing bruises in random places on my body. Which is odd. I normally can't see my bruises through my dark skin. But it'd see really tiny ones and shrug it off. Well, we then came to visit Virginia and attend my brother's VATech graduation. That was May 16th that we came into town. In the morning of the 17th I was heading into the shower when I caught a glance in the mirror. I had a HUGE ugly looking bruise under my left boob. Odd place to have a boob. It FREAKED me out!!!!!! So I showered and went to the Patient First. They drew a whole bunch of blood. Which I knew they'd do anyways. Said they'd get back to me. Well, by Saturday they called to say that my platelet counts were extremely low. And that my blood wasn't clotting like it was supposed to. Basically that's all they'd say. It didn't mean anything to me. And when I asked them "What does that mean?! What do I need to do?! Am I doing something?" they couldn't clearly answer. So I called my Dr that following Monday. She thought we should just watch it and see what happens. Because I'd fallen and sprained my ankle back in March, I'd taken more than I normally do, in Motrin. So she thought that might be it. She said once I got back into town we'd just retest my blood to see where I was at. Well on Tuesday, May 28th I was in Wal-Mart and felt wet underwear. Which I thought odd. Since I'm VERY regular AND track my period I knew it was probably my period just come early. I get to the bathroom and I'd soaked my underwear. Weird. I've never done that. Even after having a baby. Well, it increasingly got worse. I had to wear a super tampon AND a thick pad and all that was being changed every 10 minutes. Well the next day (Wednesday)I went to lunch with two girlfriends. They basically forced me to the hospital after I told them what was going on. Praise God for that! All the Dr's and nurses in the E.R. were freaking out. I was basically gushing blood, plus all my odd bruises and apparently my eyes were really yellow. They tested my blood and said I was extremely anemic and everything was low...like...really low. So they had me admitted.


Since the first bruise, I looked it up on google and the first thing that pops up is Leukemia! So I knew it was a possibility. Once everyone seemed to dance around what the problem could be...I already knew. Oddly enough...I'm okay! I'm praising God because it is the most common and easiest cancer to heal. APL or AML M3. So I am simply ecstatic over that! I'm also praising God that we found out when we were with all family and friends. Now I'm in Virginia with all the help I could ever wish for! So that's a huge relief!

So as I embark on this new journey, I pray that God simply keeps me living for HIM and doing HIS will! I know he has me going through this for a reason. I hate giving up my Mother and wife responsibilities. But I know God knows what's best for me and I'm confident in that! :) So....bring it on! :)

Approaching Mother's Day!

So I got an urge to blog. I am SO behind in my blogging. Isaiah has turned 3 and I have yet to do a 3 year summary of his life. Ugh! I'm just always finding other things to do instead of blogging. Hopefully I can do that soon! Along with Isaiah's 3 year pictures. haha! Soooo behind.


Anyways, I last minute remembered Mother's Day is approaching on Sunday. Wow! Seriously, so far. This year has FLOWN by! Am I the only one who's holiday's have just snuck up on them?! After trying to figure out what kind of card to make our mothers (mine and Theo's) I then started reflecting on me, as a mother. I have two healthy, happy boys. Okay...maybe Collin has some health issues...but in general is a healthy boy. Both boys are happy and very much are thriving in their environment. I've had two pregnancies thus far. But yet I can't help but feeling I'm missing a child this Mother's Day. Some of you know, I honestly think most of you know, Collin was a twin. At the time we didn't know it. I just thought I was having a miscarriage. Then 2 weeks later when they wanted to re-test my hcg levels to make sure they'd gone all the way down, they find it's actually gone up higher. SURPRISE! You're still pregnant! haha! Anyways, that was very much a pleasant surprise. I know that miscarriages are a pretty common thing. I know that so many women who I PERSONALLY know have had at least one. I also know that God knows my needs/desires of my heart/wants. I dealt with the miscarriage fairly well because I KNEW...without a doubt God knew what was best for me and my family. Clearly I wasn't meant to have twins. Clearly at the time I was meant to think I wasn't having a baby. I was okay with that because even if I don't necessarily understand why, I know GOD knows...and who better to trust?!?! But for some reason....maybe because I have baby fever, maybe because I really want a girl, maybe because I've been seeing a lot of twins around here, maybe because sometimes it seems like Collin is incomplete.....I dunno....but I've been missing his twin. I've been feeling like I don't have all of my children around me. There are lots of views and opinions on miscarriage. Some believe it's a baby no matter what. Some believe that when you miscarry as early on as I did (around 5-6 weeks) that it doesn't really qualify as a baby. MY opinion (and since it's my blog I can say what I want...hehehehe)is that God blessed me with a life and just because it didn't get to continue growing doesn't make it's time in me, less important. So...when I see the way Collin behaves...and it just seems like he's missing something. He's missing a buddy, someone who he's connected to....I feel that. I feel it really REALLY deep down. Sure! Collin has an older brother! But they're 17mo apart (which is pretty close to some people)and everyone knows twins, more often than not, have a special connection to each other. So for some reason...sometimes I see Collin and the way he behaves and it just seems like he's missing a piece of him. It's odd. Of course maybe this is just all in my head because I'm feeling a missing piece of my heart. But since this is my blog, I just decided to blog it out and see if that helped.


So, Happy Mother's Day to all of you Mother's. Those who are pregnant with their first, those who have children running around them, those who's children have since grown and moved on, those who have tried but had many "unsuccessful" pregnancies......Happy Mother's Day to you all! Because we all deal with things differently. We all have desires of our heart. What I pray is that you pray and cry out to God with your heart. Lean on HIM. HE is the ONLY thing that will make you feel 100% loved and complete. HE is all knowing! Happy Mother's Day to you all! :)


"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. 8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones." Proverbs 3:5-8

101?

So apparently I have written 100 blog posts! Wow! That's the most I think I've ever written in anything. A journal or xanga! haha! Anyone remember xanga? Yeah, I don't even remember what I wrote on there. Mostly dramatic stuff since I had it when I was young! LOL So happy 101 post to me! :)

Just Piggy Backing.....

So I have a new friend who just posted a blog praising her husband. (http://agonzalez1010.blogspot.com/2013/03/bragging-on-my-man.html) After reading her post I realized I do not give my husband enough verbal credit. I sure do appreciate the things he does in my head but I don't think I say OUT LOUD enough, how much I actually DO appreciate him! So I'm going to piggy back off my new friend Arielle's idea and dedicate a blog post to him! :) Hope you don't mind Arielle!


My husband is amazing. Bottom line. When I think about all his qualities and personality traits it all comes back to him just overall being awesome sauce. Does he have flaws? Why yes! Of course! He wouldn't be human otherwise. But overall he is one of the best men I've ever known in my entire life.

He and I grew up together. He used to be so weird and sheltered. Which really wasn't his fault. His parents chose to raise him a certain way (which happened to be near complete opposite of how I was raised) and as a result he came off almost like an un-known creature to me. Even as a young child I didn't hate him or anything, I just didn't understand him. haha! Anyways, once we started talking through text I had an instant connection. We had to text because he was stationed in Maryland and I was still living in good 'ol Virginia. We talked about him being in the Coast Guard. And how surprised I was that he even owned a cell phone and knew what texting was! haha! Hey! If you knew their family growing up, you'd know EXACTLY why I'd be so surprised. LOL Anyways, he was definitely someone who was more sensitive than I was. I tend to be more hard (never crying) and have a "just deal with it" attitude. He was definitely more sensitive and had a very caring type friendship with me. Of course it didn't take very long for me to fall in love with that and appreciate how much he was always there for me even though he lived in a different state. And that's how it all began. Him being there for me (even from far away) and just caring in a way no other guy and hardly any friend had. I had a best friend who knew and understood me like no one else...but she's about the only one. LOL Anyways, so that's where it all started.


Since being married (4 years this June) he and have been through a few things. I'd say we have it pretty good because so far we've had nothing extreme to deal with. But since marriage we've had 2 boys. Our first year of marriage I got pregnant right away and we had some ups and downs with that....in regards to our marriage. I was NOT the same person during pregnancy #1. My hormones were sent on a crazy roller coaster ride, meanwhile EVERYTHING on my body was changing. We both shared such excitement over the pregnancy and joy of starting a family but I will admit I started stupid arguments frequently for no good reason besides my hormone's were making me crazy. haha! He took it like a champ! He also spoils the heck out of me! I've never been spoiled. I mean, sure I got treats...but no one's ever cared/treated me like I was THE most important person in the world. It's done wonders for my self-esteem. My self-esteem isn't where he'd like it to be but it's grown in leaps since 4-5 years ago when we first got together. And that's because he's always so sweet to me. If he could, he'd give me any little thing I wanted. Of course money is always an issue....but besides "things" he feeds my soul emotionally and spiritually. Which is really the more important things in life.


In regards to his children, this man always goes above and beyond. He got up just as much as I did when we had newborns. Not as much when I was nursing but he was always awake and ready to help if I needed anything. I appreciate his equal participation in raising/caring for our children. We both wanted a family and my stance on the whole father role is that because they equally participated in making the baby they can equally participate in helping raise/care for the child. Thankfully I don't even have to tell Theo this. I mean we talked about it before we got married but he's on his own gone above and beyond. Of course he doesn't exactly "equally" care for the children. Because I am home with them all day every day. But he does more than his fair share when he's away working and providing for his family. He absolutely HATES his job. And yes, I hear constant complaints about it etc.....but he still does it because he knows he has a family he needs to financially provide for. He always seems to make wise decisions concerning his job. For example....he is in law enforcement in the Coast Guard. In Detroit, Michigan! Dangerous area. So his life is on the line quite frequently. But he always thinks about his family and making wise decisions to protect himself because he knows that he doesn't want to leave his family without husband/father. Like I just found out the other day, when they do ice rescue training, they're not required to wear their bullet proof vests. Apparently he chooses to wear them because he knows there area they are at is a dangerous area and he doesn't want to risk his life if someone decides to drive by and shoot at them. That made me so happy to hear. I didn't know that but it makes me so proud to know that he makes these decisions for his family! He doesn't hesitate to change a diaper. Poopy or wet. He doesn't hesitate to get up at night when one of the kids has a nightmare or is just crying. He is a crazy great father.


I know I've already talked about how great of a husband he is, but I feel the need to emphasize that despite hating his job and staying busy being a father (cause we have little one's and there's hardly EVER any free time) he ALWAYS makes time for me. It amazes me because he WANTS to spend time and be there for me. It's not like he's doing it because it's his duty. He needs me as much as I need him and that in and of itself is amazing to me. Having someone who loves me as much as I love them.

God gets all the glory for this. And how awesome my husband is! Of course he's not perfect and there are areas in which he could improve....but that's all of us. Because we're all human and we all have sin. But I wouldn't trade a single minute I've had him in my life. I wouldn't want anyone else. He is so loving and I hope I never have to be without him.

Thanks for all you do babe! Sorry I just now realized I don't praise you enough! Love you!

Three and Counting........

Well today's the big day for Collin! He is transitioning from a crib to a toddler bed. I was very reluctant to switch him, however, he was DESTROYING my crib. He'd pulled plastic off (don't ask me how cause I have NO clue, I couldn't do it if I tried), both the boys will go under it and push up the grate which in turn scratched my crib up. It was just starting to take too much wear. So in preservation for the hopeful arrival of the next child, I had to make the leap. I say "I" because it's really me. He honestly will be fine. Although right now we're at 3x's and counting. That's THREE times of me getting up to spank him because he's gotten out of his bed. I knew that was going to happen. (Make that 4 times...just had to get up again)He's a wild child which is why I've kept him "caged" for so long. But lemme tell you, he's taking this better than I am. While I was taking down the crib I was near bawling my eyes out. It was ridiculous. Why? Because I've never had to take down my crib without knowing it would go right back up. We took it down for our move from Maryland to Michigan. I knew it'd be going right back up in preparation for Collin's arrival. Now?! It's just going down to the basement. I'm not pregnant, I'm not sure when I will be again and it just makes me so sad that MY baby is growing up. I know (at least hopefully) it'll go back up eventually....but I'm not ready to be done having babies and it just makes me so sad. So, things have seemed to quiet down. Maybe it will only take 4 times?! Psht! Yeah right! I'm sure even if this is it for tonight it'll probably start again tomorrow. LOL So, here are some pictures. But I just had to do a quick blog and record this. Because this is by far a milestone for Collin Henry! :)

Better Late Than Never......

So I'd been meaning to write this in my blog so I wouldn't forget it. Here it is almost Valentine's Day and this happened on Christmas day! hahaha! Oh well!


So it was Christmas morning. Isaiah was playing on the new scooter he got. I wish we could remember what Theo said to him. Neither of us could remember directly after Isaiah's response. But anyways, Theo told Isaiah something to do. Isaiah turned right around, looked Theo straight and the eye and said "First of all! Don't speak to me like that!" OH.MY.GOODNESS.....WHAT?!?!?! I spent my time trying to hold in the huge fit of laughter. Theo on the other hand jumped right up and disciplined Isaiah. The thing that makes it so funny is that quite frequently I say to Isaiah "First of all! You don't speak to me like that!" and then I'll continue with the second of all. So he was directly quoting me! Which made it SOOOOO funny! My Mom joked saying "He didn't even get to make it to the second of all!" hahaha! Oh man....it was SUCH a good laugh, and I'd been meaning to blog it so I can remember it forever. So now I finally have. Good times! Kids are parrots man! Watch what you say! :)

Welcoming a New Family Member

So last night we welcomed a new family member into our household! His name is P.J and he is a 5 year old yellow Labrador! We are re-naming him Pajamas! :) He is THE sweetest thing I've ever met! Last night was a bit rough. We didn't get him until 8pm and so when we came home and wanted to go to bed, he was not okay with that. He whined quite a bit and paced ALLLLL night! Eventually around 2a.m. I closed our bedroom door and I think he got the hint. It was fairly quiet until around 6a.m. when we woke up to get him ready to go to the vet. We wanted to get his shots up to date asap and get him spayed. So he'll probably hate me when I pick him up this afternoon. But we gotta make sure he's healthy and up to date on shots just in case something happens! The only issue thus far? My allergies. I have lived with Labs and Golden Retrievers....so I can't figure out why my eyes are itching so badly and I'm sneezing like crazy. OH! And the itchy throat. NOT cool! However, I was having some allergies BEFORE he came here. Also, his previous owner said she bathed him the night before...so maybe it's the shampoo she used. Plus she was a smoker...so maybe all of that is just on him and I'm having issues with that. I'm PRAYING that's it! Because I'd hate to have to give him up. :( Hopefully I'm not really allergic to him and we'll get to keep him. The boys are pretty excited. Well, Isaiah. Collin really doesn't have a clue. They've met him already but they have yet to see him in their own home. They were asleep when we came home with him, and I had to leave before they were up this morning to take him to the vet. So we'll see how things go tonight! But so far....so good! :) Also, I want to make note that I was SOOOOO impressed at his behavior at the vet. There were a TON of cats and other dogs and he sat when I told him too and didn't bark and really was the best behaved dog there! Hooray for that! :)

Spare the rod....spoil the child....

So something happened today. Recently I moved the boys bedroom to the guest room. Basically switching the rooms around. And by recently I mean, yesterday. Anyways, the boys now have a WAY bigger bedroom that's attached to the sunroom (which is their playroom). Besides their beds I basically only added a toy organizing shelf structure. Well both boys have happily played today either in the sunroom or the bedroom. Which-as a side note....I have enjoyed immensely! LOL Anyways, at one point I heard the bucket of cars being poured onto the carpet! Eh, whatever. They were giggling and happy...no worries. Eventually things seemed a bit TOO quiet...so I ventured to the "Great UnKnown!" hahahahahaha! Anyways, I open their door and find the buckets to the organizing structure all over the place, every content dumped onto the floor and the structure itself? On the floor with BOTH boys on top of it! Seriously?! So the very first thing out of my mouth? "What do you think you're doing?!" Of course Collin scampers off like he was never a part of the situation (Theo and I frequently die of laughter at the fact that Collin is forever stirring things up/initiating things and then just scurrying away like he was never a part of it....it's funny now cause he's barely 1yr....but eventually that's gonna get old! LOL) and Isaiah immediately looks guilty. Here's how the conversation goes.


Hannah: You knew you were doing something you weren't supposed to, didn't you?
Isaiah:*extremely guilty look and slight nod of the head*
Hannah:Isaiah Brent. I am not happy with your decisions. I'm very dissapointed in you.
Isaiah: *lowers his head in sadness*

*We then start to clean up and organize the toys (which I am VERY proud to say, Isaiah at a little over 2.5 can organize toys and sort them and put them in the right buckets-as long as I leave 1 example in each one)*

Isaiah:I'm sorry Momma! I didn't want to make bad decisions. I'm sorry Momma! I don't wanna disappoint you anymore!"


So sweet right? The point of me recording this is because I wanted to record my parenting style. As most of you who read this (as few of you as there is)know I try my HARDEST to parent according to how God says we should. I use the Bible as my guideline. Which brings me to the verse in Proverbs 13:24 (KJV) "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." The Bible is VERY clear that you are to spank your child. VERY clear! However, people have different interpretations of how that should be done. My parents philosophy? Spank for every offence....period. Okay, maybe I exaggerate...but my parents were definitely heavy on the spanking. VERY heavy. Being the oldest, I received the full on brunt of "how do we go about disciplining and raising our children?" All oldest children know EXACTLY what I'm talking about! I was spanked WELL into my teens...my youngest siblings last spanking was probably when he was 9! LOL Anyways, my point is....I'm not my parents. I believe that God tells us in the Bible TOOLS to teach and raise our children. I do believe things like the above quoted verse are very clear that you should spank and that it's good for your child. Anyone ever notice that he didn't say "But" afterwards? Or "Certain children shouldn't be spanked because of disabilities etc"? I find it interesting! He gave a blanket rule to raise a child. Period end of story. But I've found through reading the whole Bible over and over that sometimes we as Children of God need a "spanking" so to speak. We have hard trails that feel like we'll never survive. That's what I call the spankings. But have you ever been through life and gone over a slight pump and the whole time you just feel God speaking to your heart: teaching you, loving you, encouraging you. I believe that should be mirrored in raising my children. I was very happy today when I made the conscious decision to not yell at my child, not spank him, not assume things upon him (something that happened to me FREQUENTLY in my childhood....being the oldest of 4 my parents were quick to jump on me and discipline me and not ask me/listen to me etc as to what really happened...but that's another story in itself) and simply speak to my child. And guess what? I feel he learned his lesson FAR more than he would've had I spanked him etc. So it made me happy that a conscious decision I made in my mind right then and there was really the right thing to do! Some may see this as criticizing my parents or being disrespectful to them or someone else's beliefs. That's not why I'm blogging about this. I am blogging about MY experiences and what God has convicted of MY heart. What you choose to do with your children is your own thing. My parents chose to raise my siblings and I a certain way...that was their choice. And as their child, I saw things I didn't agree with and wanted to change when raising my children. So that's my whole point in this blog. Simply to record my dealings/raising/beliefs of my children! :)

To Continue Cribbing or Toddler Bed It!

So I've decided to upgrade the boys room a bit. I've always had it as their sleeping quarters and that's about it. I kept things simple and breakables out of their room because Isaiah has been in the toddler bed since we moved here. He was about 15mo when we moved here. He was so past ready for his toddler bed. Ever since he slept in it he's loved it to death! Well now Collin is expressing interest of Isaiah's toddler bed. Which is awesome. So now the question is whether to keep him in his crib or move to the toddler bed? Honestly, he might be ready for the toddler bed if I "baby proof" their room a bit more. But I'm not so sure my heart can take it. Besides the move here....it'll be the first time the crib will be taken down. :( Until goodness knows when. At least when I took it down for the move I knew it was going back up for another baby. Now? It'll just be taken down for goodness knows how long and I'm not so sure my heart can take it. Plus do I honestly want a wild child free to roam around his room any time of night? haha! I don't think so. So for my hearts sake...and probably more sanity's sake.....cribbing it will stay! :)