A New Parenting Style

So, I can't exactly remember what day this happened, but it was close to New Years Day, if not day of. Anyways, someone (don't remember who) posted an article that stated something about parenting and yelling. At the moment, I didn't have time to read the article. But the title hit really close to home. It so close to my heart, that my first reaction without reading the article, was anger. "Who would scold parents about yelling?! They probably don't have two BOYS less than two years apart." etc etc. Then I stopped for a second and realized "Wait a second! Why am I so angry?" Turns out this Momma had been having some parenting issues herself. A couple of days before I realized that my neighbors must hear me yelling sometimes. Of course it doesn't help that I'm a loud person naturally. Some of this realization came from Theo and I FREQUENTLY hearing our next door neighbor screaming! I mean, she will barely get in the door and you can hear how loud she is! The other night we heard her whole phone conversation, curse words and all! Anyways, I realized how frequently I'm yelling at the boys. I don't necessarily yell angrily. I think that's part of the reason I justified that it was okay to do! Plus they're so rowdy and loud themselves, of course I have to yell to be heard. But it finally hit me that all yelling did was leave me with a sore throat and a bad feeling. So I did some praying about it. Thought about how I must sound to an outsider. How I must sound to my children who are so much smaller than me. My oldest can be quite the bully sometimes. Maybe he was getting it from me? By yelling and screaming, am I any better than a bully? Yes, I believe in discipline. I believe in more harsh discipline than most of my friends. I believe that I need to start it young so it's instilled in them by the age of 5, what's right/wrong etc. I pride myself in working hard to teach them and by teaching, disciplining. I don't beat or abuse my children. I may do somethings that people may judge, harsh. But I fully believe in being strict on children from a young age. But does this mean I need to scream? Perhaps, the reason my children scream and are so loud, is because they see my example. Goodness knows they pick up all my bad habits/traits. haha So after reflecting on this awhile, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to yell anymore. Raise my voice only if imminent danger was involved. I'm happy to announce that it's been a week and I've noticed a DRASTIC improvement in my children, me and my household. I'm no longer as stressed. I'm much more focused in my attempts at disciplining. For example I'm not just yelling at them for something wrong. I'm thinking about what I say, how I say it, and making a concentrated effort to speak in a much more quiet calm tone. Before? I would be yelling their names and no one would listen. Now? I quietly, even toned call their names and guess what?! They can hear me all the way in the back of the house! Amazing! They come right away! I noticed when they're crying because they're about to get a spanking, if I get down at eye level, speak calmly, they focus better and pay more attention to what I'm saying. I'm ashamed to admit that my oldest is only 3 (going on 4) and I've become a yelling mother. Is that all it took?! Three years!!!! To have me a stressed out yelling maniac?!?! And bonus! I don't have to worry about people giving me nasty looks in the store any more. (used to happen alllll the time)I simply lower my voice, make eye contact, and most times, I don't even have to say a word. They know what they're doing and they straighten it up! It's shameful to admit this. But I'm sharing open and honestly, like I do with my life. Because goodness knows I've been encouraged by other people's journeys. So I only pray that I do the same for others! I'm just so very happy that our lives have changed for the better. I also realized that this year is for me. It sounds selfish to say. But "Me" needs so much work. "Me" has been neglected in the chaos of getting married, becoming a wife, having children, fighting for my life....I've just gotten lost. Since it's not really healthy to have another baby any time soon.....I'm going to focus on being a better mother and wife. I'm going to focus on my physical health and my spiritual health. The saying "If Momma ain't happy, ain't no body happy." is real! haha! I truly think it's because the Mom pretty much does all the raising of the children, and taking care of the house. She's so involved in her home/work life that if she doesn't take care of herself....her job will fall to pieces. So I'm very happy that we ALL seem to be much happier. I'm not stressed out from yelling constantly and not having them listen. I'm not trying to make this sound like it's easy either. It most certainly is NOT. It takes concentrated effort. And for me, changing a part of who I am (being loud) is hard. But it's so very much worth it so have a happy healthier home! Here's to 2014!!!! May I keep this up!