Baby Days.....

So as I was showering this morning a thought occurred to me. So I thought I should blog about it if I had time today! And guess what? I do! Hooray!


What was the thought? It was that my very youngest baby is no longer a baby! We are officially done. He used his last pull up (he's been potty trained but we had one last open box of pull ups, so we've been using them at night) 2 nights ago and this morning it occurred to me that without watching Harper, I don't even have a reason to have wipes. Both of my children are fully potty trained and can wash their own hands with soap and water now. They can pretty much brush their teeth as well. They've long since stopped using baby wash and baby detergent on their clothes. The only "baby" thing left is their Nuggies (their soothing blankets). That's IT! I'm crushed! I'm sure I'll have to carry in my purse some small pack of wipes just in case...but that's it! No need to buy Costco bulk diapers or wipes any more. How heartbreaking. No more binkys, bottles or sippy cups. No more cutting food up for them. My two boys are completely self sufficient. Well, I do still have to pick out Collin's clothes still, but he can dress himself now. (except sometimes there's a backwards underwear or shoes on the wrong feet) But they don't need me as much as they did! I am now transitioning to the "Soccer Mom". It's now time for their activities. For me to drive them here and there and teach them formal education and make sure their social and needs are being met. I mean...really? When did that happen? I want my babies back! I was Collin, binky in mouth and nuggies in tow, to sneak into my bed wanting "nuggles". I want Isaiah to climb up in my lap and slobber all over me and give me "lubs". I miss that! As everything goes, there's pros and cons to everything. And since I just listed all the cons...haha...I decided I'd list some of the pros. NO MORE STINKY DIAPERS!!!!!!!! I know several moms who are probably pretty jealous of me right now. haha! I mean.....it's been almost 5 years (can you believe I'll have a 5 year old at the end of March?!?!) and to finally not have the lingering smell of poop running around....pretty freaking sweet man! I actually do have more time to myself right now. I'm not having to wake up for feedings. I can sleep in. They can dress themselves and brush their teeth. I mean...that's pretty awesome! But I still find myself with sadness. My life has been a certain way for 5 years now. And to just stop? I feel almost without an identity. It sounds dramatic but I feel kinda striped raw. Like, what now? Obviously, they still need me. I mean, they're FAR from being able to drive themselves places or stay at home alone. But it does leave me feeling empty. I never expected to be in this stage of life at this point. I expected to be in this phase for at least 10 years! lol Knock all my babies out at once and then we be done all at once. But God does have a plan for me. I don't know what it is, but I do feel a bit empty. Eventually I will become more peaceful. I am definitely enjoying some of the freedom. I'm definitely excited about a future with these two boys! They give me such life and purpose! Collin for sure, keeps me on my toes. But, for now....good bye wipes and diapers. Good bye good smelling baby wash and detergent. I will most certainly always miss you. And every time I see or smell anything baby related nostalgia will fill me! But for now.....good bye......