So I thought I'd blog before everything gets going and I don't have energy to. I found out on Thursday, May 30, 2013 that I have Leukemia. But let me do a back story.
A couple of weeks ago I started seeing bruises in random places on my body. Which is odd. I normally can't see my bruises through my dark skin. But it'd see really tiny ones and shrug it off. Well, we then came to visit Virginia and attend my brother's VATech graduation. That was May 16th that we came into town. In the morning of the 17th I was heading into the shower when I caught a glance in the mirror. I had a HUGE ugly looking bruise under my left boob. Odd place to have a boob. It FREAKED me out!!!!!! So I showered and went to the Patient First. They drew a whole bunch of blood. Which I knew they'd do anyways. Said they'd get back to me. Well, by Saturday they called to say that my platelet counts were extremely low. And that my blood wasn't clotting like it was supposed to. Basically that's all they'd say. It didn't mean anything to me. And when I asked them "What does that mean?! What do I need to do?! Am I doing something?" they couldn't clearly answer. So I called my Dr that following Monday. She thought we should just watch it and see what happens. Because I'd fallen and sprained my ankle back in March, I'd taken more than I normally do, in Motrin. So she thought that might be it. She said once I got back into town we'd just retest my blood to see where I was at. Well on Tuesday, May 28th I was in Wal-Mart and felt wet underwear. Which I thought odd. Since I'm VERY regular AND track my period I knew it was probably my period just come early. I get to the bathroom and I'd soaked my underwear. Weird. I've never done that. Even after having a baby. Well, it increasingly got worse. I had to wear a super tampon AND a thick pad and all that was being changed every 10 minutes. Well the next day (Wednesday)I went to lunch with two girlfriends. They basically forced me to the hospital after I told them what was going on. Praise God for that! All the Dr's and nurses in the E.R. were freaking out. I was basically gushing blood, plus all my odd bruises and apparently my eyes were really yellow. They tested my blood and said I was extremely anemic and everything was low...like...really low. So they had me admitted.
Since the first bruise, I looked it up on google and the first thing that pops up is Leukemia! So I knew it was a possibility. Once everyone seemed to dance around what the problem could be...I already knew. Oddly enough...I'm okay! I'm praising God because it is the most common and easiest cancer to heal. APL or AML M3. So I am simply ecstatic over that! I'm also praising God that we found out when we were with all family and friends. Now I'm in Virginia with all the help I could ever wish for! So that's a huge relief!
So as I embark on this new journey, I pray that God simply keeps me living for HIM and doing HIS will! I know he has me going through this for a reason. I hate giving up my Mother and wife responsibilities. But I know God knows what's best for me and I'm confident in that! :) So....bring it on! :)
Friday, May 31, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Approaching Mother's Day!
So I got an urge to blog. I am SO behind in my blogging. Isaiah has turned 3 and I have yet to do a 3 year summary of his life. Ugh! I'm just always finding other things to do instead of blogging. Hopefully I can do that soon! Along with Isaiah's 3 year pictures. haha! Soooo behind.
Anyways, I last minute remembered Mother's Day is approaching on Sunday. Wow! Seriously, so far. This year has FLOWN by! Am I the only one who's holiday's have just snuck up on them?! After trying to figure out what kind of card to make our mothers (mine and Theo's) I then started reflecting on me, as a mother. I have two healthy, happy boys. Okay...maybe Collin has some health issues...but in general is a healthy boy. Both boys are happy and very much are thriving in their environment. I've had two pregnancies thus far. But yet I can't help but feeling I'm missing a child this Mother's Day. Some of you know, I honestly think most of you know, Collin was a twin. At the time we didn't know it. I just thought I was having a miscarriage. Then 2 weeks later when they wanted to re-test my hcg levels to make sure they'd gone all the way down, they find it's actually gone up higher. SURPRISE! You're still pregnant! haha! Anyways, that was very much a pleasant surprise. I know that miscarriages are a pretty common thing. I know that so many women who I PERSONALLY know have had at least one. I also know that God knows my needs/desires of my heart/wants. I dealt with the miscarriage fairly well because I KNEW...without a doubt God knew what was best for me and my family. Clearly I wasn't meant to have twins. Clearly at the time I was meant to think I wasn't having a baby. I was okay with that because even if I don't necessarily understand why, I know GOD knows...and who better to trust?!?! But for some reason....maybe because I have baby fever, maybe because I really want a girl, maybe because I've been seeing a lot of twins around here, maybe because sometimes it seems like Collin is incomplete.....I dunno....but I've been missing his twin. I've been feeling like I don't have all of my children around me. There are lots of views and opinions on miscarriage. Some believe it's a baby no matter what. Some believe that when you miscarry as early on as I did (around 5-6 weeks) that it doesn't really qualify as a baby. MY opinion (and since it's my blog I can say what I want...hehehehe)is that God blessed me with a life and just because it didn't get to continue growing doesn't make it's time in me, less important. So...when I see the way Collin behaves...and it just seems like he's missing something. He's missing a buddy, someone who he's connected to....I feel that. I feel it really REALLY deep down. Sure! Collin has an older brother! But they're 17mo apart (which is pretty close to some people)and everyone knows twins, more often than not, have a special connection to each other. So for some reason...sometimes I see Collin and the way he behaves and it just seems like he's missing a piece of him. It's odd. Of course maybe this is just all in my head because I'm feeling a missing piece of my heart. But since this is my blog, I just decided to blog it out and see if that helped.
So, Happy Mother's Day to all of you Mother's. Those who are pregnant with their first, those who have children running around them, those who's children have since grown and moved on, those who have tried but had many "unsuccessful" pregnancies......Happy Mother's Day to you all! Because we all deal with things differently. We all have desires of our heart. What I pray is that you pray and cry out to God with your heart. Lean on HIM. HE is the ONLY thing that will make you feel 100% loved and complete. HE is all knowing! Happy Mother's Day to you all! :)
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. 8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones." Proverbs 3:5-8
Anyways, I last minute remembered Mother's Day is approaching on Sunday. Wow! Seriously, so far. This year has FLOWN by! Am I the only one who's holiday's have just snuck up on them?! After trying to figure out what kind of card to make our mothers (mine and Theo's) I then started reflecting on me, as a mother. I have two healthy, happy boys. Okay...maybe Collin has some health issues...but in general is a healthy boy. Both boys are happy and very much are thriving in their environment. I've had two pregnancies thus far. But yet I can't help but feeling I'm missing a child this Mother's Day. Some of you know, I honestly think most of you know, Collin was a twin. At the time we didn't know it. I just thought I was having a miscarriage. Then 2 weeks later when they wanted to re-test my hcg levels to make sure they'd gone all the way down, they find it's actually gone up higher. SURPRISE! You're still pregnant! haha! Anyways, that was very much a pleasant surprise. I know that miscarriages are a pretty common thing. I know that so many women who I PERSONALLY know have had at least one. I also know that God knows my needs/desires of my heart/wants. I dealt with the miscarriage fairly well because I KNEW...without a doubt God knew what was best for me and my family. Clearly I wasn't meant to have twins. Clearly at the time I was meant to think I wasn't having a baby. I was okay with that because even if I don't necessarily understand why, I know GOD knows...and who better to trust?!?! But for some reason....maybe because I have baby fever, maybe because I really want a girl, maybe because I've been seeing a lot of twins around here, maybe because sometimes it seems like Collin is incomplete.....I dunno....but I've been missing his twin. I've been feeling like I don't have all of my children around me. There are lots of views and opinions on miscarriage. Some believe it's a baby no matter what. Some believe that when you miscarry as early on as I did (around 5-6 weeks) that it doesn't really qualify as a baby. MY opinion (and since it's my blog I can say what I want...hehehehe)is that God blessed me with a life and just because it didn't get to continue growing doesn't make it's time in me, less important. So...when I see the way Collin behaves...and it just seems like he's missing something. He's missing a buddy, someone who he's connected to....I feel that. I feel it really REALLY deep down. Sure! Collin has an older brother! But they're 17mo apart (which is pretty close to some people)and everyone knows twins, more often than not, have a special connection to each other. So for some reason...sometimes I see Collin and the way he behaves and it just seems like he's missing a piece of him. It's odd. Of course maybe this is just all in my head because I'm feeling a missing piece of my heart. But since this is my blog, I just decided to blog it out and see if that helped.
So, Happy Mother's Day to all of you Mother's. Those who are pregnant with their first, those who have children running around them, those who's children have since grown and moved on, those who have tried but had many "unsuccessful" pregnancies......Happy Mother's Day to you all! Because we all deal with things differently. We all have desires of our heart. What I pray is that you pray and cry out to God with your heart. Lean on HIM. HE is the ONLY thing that will make you feel 100% loved and complete. HE is all knowing! Happy Mother's Day to you all! :)
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. 8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones." Proverbs 3:5-8
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