Friendship....

So, right now I am overwhelmed with my emotions. So what better way to get it out then to blog, right? Well anyways....in short. I miss having a best friend. Well...I guess I miss my best friend. Okay, fine! I don't guess....I DO! It just kinda hit me so sudden. I mean...of course, here and there I've missed her! Duh! But, right now.....I just feel ready to cry. A friendship of 13+ years and she just wanted to let it go down the drain. It saddens me beyond belief. Who else is going to know every little thing she talks about? Every one! Who else is going to think the funny little things she thinks in her head, are really funny? I've thought so much here or there of times where I wish I could call her and say "OMG! Guess what I saw!" or something random like that. She and I were infamous for finding the humor in stupid stuff. LOL!!!!! And here I am.....living a pretty much completely new life away from everyone I know. It's hard. I want her to be included. I want her to fly up here and see me. I want to tell her everything crazy thing going on in my head that only she'll understand. It's so sad. Yes, I've made other friends. But honestly, I'm finding it hard to trust anyone. I trusted her. I trusted her that she wouldn't do what she and her family has done to so many families before me. I thought I'd be different. I thought 13+ years ACTUALLY meant something. I guess I was VERY wrong. It hurts. Yes, I can comfort myself and tell myself that A)God knows exactly what I need and provides it when I need it B)Everything happens for a reason and C)I honestly did the MOST I could to work things out. But right now....even though I keep telling myself those things over and over.....it's not cutting it. I just miss her. I found myself about to message her and tell her that. But I hold back. I hold back, because no matter what I do...things won't be the same. I hold back because her family doesn't want anything to do with me and will try and say all of this is my fault. Even though they have a very well known history for kicking people out of their lives who they're close to for years. I'm not saying all of this to be mean. Or to say that I'm not at all to blame. Actually for months I did blame myself. For a lot of what happened. But when people make their minds up to push you out of their lives, there's very little you can do about it. Your feelings don't matter at all. I know it seems like maybe I'm being a baby....but my heart just morns for her. It's also hard to find someone who you share just about the same beliefs with. And she and I had it. So we never had to worry per say, about what we really talked about or anything. And God has honestly blessed me with some pretty awesome people in my life who I am VERY thankful for! And I don't want it to seem like I don't appreciate any of it...but it doesn't at all change the fact that I miss my best friend. I just miss her. So....there it is. I've blogged it all out...and oddly enough...I don't feel any better. *sigh* Guess this is one that I'm gonna have to pray about and let God take over! Cause there is no way I can do it on my own! So thankful that HE is powerful enough to turn my grieving heart into a renewed happy one! :)