Encouraging Others

After having a few different conversations today with different people I decided I wanted to blog! I'm so glad our computer is temporarily working so that I'm able to do this.


So, basically I am disappointed by the discouragement I hear/witness people giving to others. Mainly mothers. I see a lot of other mothers being judgmental or discouraging to other mothers. It's disappointing to see. Why do some people feel the need to press upon others their beliefs. It's different to state what you think is right. But are you doing it in an encouraging, loving manor? Or are you attacking them? How would they perceive that? Not all people receive things the same. Obviously God made us all different. That means you can respond to someone the same as another person. We each have our own individual needs. When you approach someone are you considering how they might need to hear things? Are you even considering that they may not even need to hear it?! It's possible! I've heard stories and even had other mothers say things that need not be said! Just because you as a parent deem something right and a must, doesn't mean someone else does! We all have different goals for our children. Not to mention we all have different children and we as mother's know them best. Why aren't other mom's more encouraging. Why are there so many Facebook posts and blogs basically telling a parent what they should and shouldn't do?! You never know where a person might be. For example, when I had Collin, I was in a new place. We had just moved to Michigan. I had a 17mo boy who would hardly sit still. My husband also worked a ton and was hardly ever home. I was suffering with postpartum depression only I hadn't identified it quite yet. It was near impossible for me to nurse Collin. It was THE hardest decision I've ever made to stop nursing Collin. I had someone tell me that I should suck it up and keep going because nursing wasn't easy. This person had never been in my situation. Had NO idea my personal struggles and made a judgment that did not need to be said. Made me feel like the worst Mother in the world because I made the decision to stop nursing. Thankfully, on the flip side, I had a few encouraging Mother's who encouraged me to do what was best for me AND my baby! Smart! It was one of the best parenting advice I've ever heard. It gave me the strength to hold my head high and do what I needed to do! With not the greatest confidence....but I still did it. And looking back, I would've made the same decision. All that was to say, why would another mother say something so harsh and negative knowing how hard motherhood can be?! Why?! Knowing I had special circumstances. Why not encourage me? So basically, I wanted to write this post to encourage us, as mothers, as wives, as people in general, why not take a step back and realize you may not know everything. What you may think is right, might not be the answer for everyone. Why not take a second to think about what is best to say. Evaluate whether it's wise and whether it will actually help this person out. I am a Christian woman and I've just been convicted lately, to not speak so quickly. To have compassion for a situation I might not understand. To respect another human being. So let us all be encouraged to be careful what we say. Let's all think about how someone might receive something. I just thought I'd blog this cause it was on my heart today! :-)

Reflection

Today I was really reflecting and thinking of all the wonderful gifts God's given me. This summer was NUTS! Beyond anything I ever imagined happening in my life. To be honest, to this day, it feels like a dream. But I was down, really low this summer. I couldn't care for my children. I could barely text on my phone. I was literally dying. Living life felt like a chore. And I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it seriously (at times) felt like such a chore to just breath! My whole life all I've ever wanted is to be a wife and mother. When it finally all happened for me, I thought I'd have no troubles. I did things the way I see the Bible tells me to. I did it all "right" . I stayed focused and dedicated. I had two healthy (well....we won't count Collin's food allergies...hahaha) baby boys. I had an amazing husband who supported me through everything. I had everything I've ever wanted. Life was easy! Yet, I was ungrateful. I saw other people planning their lives and I thought "Hey! If they can plan having a baby, plan vacations, plan their lives, so can I." I planned to get pregnant at the end of May even though Theo wasn't exactly on board with it. I thought since everyone else was doing it, I could too! Then I got Leukemia. WHAT?!?!?! I mean, I was literally bleeding out. And it still took a friend refusing to do anything but take me to the hospital. Lauren Rupert literally saved my life! So fyi: Thanks Lauren! I wouldn't be here today without your help! :-) Anyways, it all happened so fast. I was so sick that like I said, living life was hard to do. So the first 2 weeks were a surreal blur. Theo stayed strong. Was by my side in addition to taking care of the boys, trying to figure out work issues....that man....stronger than I ever imagined he could be. Not that I didn't think he was strong, but he just showed and proved how loyal and strong he was. So when I started feeling good enough to get on Facebook or text, throughout all this, I struggled. Not with having Leukemia. That was beatable, and the odds were "ever in my favor" (Hahaha Catch that Hunger Games fans?!) So I was never worried/stressed about my Leukemia battle. What kept hitting my heart was that I may never have children again. What struck my heart was that I couldn't care for my children. While I was struggling through life, my children were calling my Mother "Mom", they were seeing Theo more than they were seeing me. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? I did everything God told me (or so I thought) and I felt I was almost being punished. It also kept popping in my mind that it seemed everyone around me was planning their life and getting what they want, but I was getting cancer. It occurred to me that this was obviously something I never planned. When I finally became married, got to be in charge of my own household (of course with Theo being the leader), got to raise my two beautiful children....I thought nothing would ever change that. I thought because I did things God's way, I would be rewarded. Well, my version of rewards was NOT getting cancer. lol So eventually, I've processed all this. It all still feels like a dream. But I've gained new prospective. First of all, God did NOT have to let me live. My life is a gift. HE deemed it good for me to stick around...and in that, I am grateful! Also, just because I got cancer doesn't mean HE doesn't love me. Or that he was punishing me. All it means is that HE knew I was strong enough to go through it. HE wanted me in that situation to be a light for HIM. He also wanted to show me that even though I got all I ever wanted, it's a gift he chose to give me! HE gave it to me!!! He didn't have to! Not everyone has what I have! It's a blessing. I think I took it all for granted. I thought because I got what I wanted and in my eyes did what HE wanted me to, that VIOLA! I could do what I wanted! Wrong! My life is not my own. I am God's! Not mine! I don't deserve anything. He's blessed me with what I have. I've learned to appreciate having my own home on a whole new level. I've appreciated having energy to even get up in the mornings. That's definitely something I took for granted. When I had postpartum depression after Collin it was VERY hard to even open my eyes in the morning. And this summer, I experienced it again on a new level. I was literally dying and it was hard. I couldn't care for my children. The children God gave me. They were being raised by someone else. Not that I'm ungrateful for that. Cause I am MOST certainly grateful my parents stepped up and even though it was rough, took care of my children. Especially my Mom! (My Dad worked a lot) She really tried hard to raise my children how I would raise them! So I am completely grateful for that. But it was still hard to know I gave birth to two children and I wasn't the one raising them! I wasn't the one teaching them everything they were learning. I wasn't able to be there for my husband. I mean, I could a bit...but I could not cater to all his needs. In fact, I couldn't hardly take care of myself! The other day, when I was doing laundry it gave me such joy! That's never happened before. Laundry is THE worst chore in my opinion! (yes, Carissa....I know! It's your favorite! lol) But the other day I found myself being grateful that I could go down the basement stairs, start laundry, bring a basket of it UP the stairs, fold and hang all the clean clothes....I mean...this summer...that wasn't even close to a possibility for me. Taking care of my household and homeschooling my children has allowed me to have a whole new gratefulness for life. For the life God's given me. For the fact that I can even do these things. It's so easy to take for granted everything in life. For example...my legs. What about people who are in a wheelchair for their life?! They don't even get to have the possibility of walking. Do I still struggle with things? Yes. Mainly having a baby. I want another one so bad. And having people say "Be glad you have two beautiful children already." or "It wasn't God's plan." still stings. But I'm happy to say that through MUCH prayer, it's slowly becoming easier. It's easier to be happy for other people. Not necessarily that I'm ready to know everything about someone's pregnancy, but I'm getting there. Some people I still had to hide in my Facebook news feed, so that I don't cause hurt to my heart when logging onto Facebook. But it could all be so much worse. I don't know if I'll ever have another baby. I don't know what plans God has. I hope for the best. I use Hannah in the Bible as strength to remind myself that God has a plan! And he KNOWS my heart. Life may not bring me what I think I need/want, but HE's in control and knows what's best for me. So for now, I am beyond grateful for being exhausted by a days work in my household. I take joy in the fact that doing good for my family is doable! I celebrate in doing laundry and cleaning my toilets! Thank you God! You have blessed me richly and for that I am grateful!

Two Years!!!!!

So this time I'm getting on things a tad bit earlier than I did Isaiah's. haha Collin turned TWO!!!! I can't believe that happened! It's flown by! Especially with all the crazy events in our lives these past two years, it's really just flown by! So here's Collin's 2 year blog post! :)


Name: Collin Henry Scheungrab
Nickname: Ceebs, Mr La-pew (My Mom's name for him) and Shmootsy-Poo
Birthday: September 8th, 2011
Favorite People: Brother and Daddy
Favorite Toys: Buzz, Woody and Bullseye
Favorite Color: Doesn't really have on yet
Favorite Food: Hot Dogs and McDonald's Fries
Favorite Drink: Rice Milk
Height: I believe 32 inches...not too far behind his brother. He's in the 92nd percentile!
Weight: 26lbs....finally put on some weight!
Achievements: Collin can run, jump and keep up pretty well with Brother. He's not potty trained but that's due to Momma's busy summer.
Extra: Collin is our very fun loving boy! Very energetic and social! He keeps us on our toes every second he's awake! And most times when he's supposed to be sleeping! ;-) He loves his Brother and Daddy. Is obsessed with Buzz and loves to make sure people KNOW he's around! He's our busy handful child, but we couldn't imagine our lives without him! We love you Collin Henry! Happy Birthday!

The Big 3! (WAY overdue!)

I finally decided to blog Isaiah's 3rd Birthday! I've never had a desire to scrapbook or do a baby book...so I started a blog. It was supposed to help me keep up with these events. Well....here we are almost 6 months later and I'm finally blogging Isaiah Brent's 3rd Birthday! :) Also a note! I'm blogging according to his likes (as best I can remember)closer to his birthday!


Name: Isaiah Brent Scheungrab

Nickname: Dubbers

D.0.B: March 27, 2010 (share's his Aunt Addie's Birthday)

Height:It's been awhile...but I think 36 inches

Weight:50lbs

Favorite Person: Daddy (100% Daddy's boy)

Favorite Food: Pizza

Favorite Drink: Milk (but Momma doesn't let him have anything but water and milk)

Favorite Friend: Alexander Hercula or Ms Ashley and Gary Wilson

Potty Trained:Day time!!!!! Hip hip hooray! He pretty much did it on his own! Nap time he's normally fine. Still working on nighttime!

Favorite Toys: Nuggies (his little blanket), Batman, Toy Story and any "boy" type toy!

Achievements: Can count to 10 (sometimes higher) and sing A-B-C's

What He Wants To Be When He Grows Up: "I wanna be Dr Severance!"

Extra's: Isaiah is such a fun loving boy! He's active and highly intelligent! He impresses us every day with his crazy perception of what's going on in the world around him. He always asks questions that can't ever be avoided with some small answer. He's very much like his father. Sensitive but very bold and daring! We love him so much more every day! Happy (WAY belated) Birthday Isaiah Brent! We love you!

Short and Sweet....

I've been wanting to blog for awhile. Lately, I've just had so many emotions. Of course it's all to be expected. With everything my body is being put through, it's just hard to keep up mentally and physically! My biggest weakness is the mental part. When I'm mentally just not there, weak, suffering....it's so hard for anything else to function. So lately I've just felt like blogging my emotions. But tonight? All I have energy to say is....I've had a range of emotions lately and it's made me want to blog. Eventually I will get to do it....but for now. This is all I got. I also need to blog Collin's 2nd Birthday! Not even sure I did Isaiah's 3rd. Oie! So much to do!

Ohhhh My Ovaries!!!!!!!!

So this will be a very brief short blog. But I just had to say it! My ovaries are SCREAMINGGGGGGG!!!!! So many people have recently had babies and my "baby" is no longer a baby and it's making me extremely sad and wanting. And not just a baby. TWINS! I want twins! Twin boys! I've officially decided I will borrow other people's girls, but I don't need one! LOL So twin boys would be SO nice! I just have such an empty hole from missing Collin's twin. Not naming it. Not knowing whether it was a boy or girl. I just always see a picture of twins and feel such a loss and longing! So my ovaries are screaming! I pray to God all day every day recently about this. I know I can't get pregnant now. I'm so unhealthy and struggling to barely live. But...I'm praying to God that if I'm not to get pregnant he helps slowly soothe that ache for me. Because I just don't want to long and be sad my whole life if that's what God's plan is! So that's all I have to say today!

A Cup of Tea and A Little Bit of Quiet.......

Good Morning! It's almost 7a.m. and this is the second morning in a row that I've been up before 7a.m. Yesterday I thought I'd be productive and look up a bunch of information that I needed. This morning? I've decided to make myself a cup of Hot Honey Lemon Tea (my favorite) using local honey. As a side note, I love local honey! It's just so much more pure and rich tasting. I use a lot less of it than I do the store processed kind. I hope to never go back to that! Local honey is the way to go! Plus, it's a bonus that it's helping with my allergies! Anyways, this morning I decided to set aside some time to blog. What better time than early in the morning?


So, a crazy amount of things have been going on in my life lately. So many times I wanted to blog and I would blog in my head, hahaha, but that's not exactly the same as actual blogging. There's just been so many emotions, ideas, thoughts I've wanted to record. But among the craziness it just hasn't happened.


Let's start with, I'm FINALLY out of the hospital!!!!! Hip hip hooray for that! I was going on 6 weeks of being in there. Not the most pleasant place ever. I was released July 5th after my bone marrow biopsy. Since then, I've going through another round of chemo. Actually, that was just last week! I started round two July 22nd. It was four days in a row of chemo. I will say, this chemo hit me harder quicker than the first one did. I was pretty unfuctionally exhausted. I can't even explain to you how hard it was to keep my eyes open. I thought I was tired when I was pregnant with Isaiah. I guess this tiredness was different because it was so hard to even think. Whereas my pregnancy with Isaiah, I was just physically exhausted. haha So, I was kind of surprised about how quickly the chemo kicked in and how tired I was. I'm a week out from the last day of chemo, and I'm feeling a LOT better. Random nausea but medicine helps with that! I'm still physically pretty tired but at least now my brain is in full gear back to normal. haha It's really funny to have your brain be so active and clear but have your body in like slow motion. haha!


I finally had to cut my hair! I had it cut short while I was in the hospital, but last week I just had to have it basically go short like a boy. I'm loosing a LOT of hair on top of my head, so with longer hair it was starting to A)make it look bad (though thank goodness I have curly hair...had it of been straight this would've happened a lot sooner)and B)Just get too much to deal with coming out in the shower or randomly just falling out. I went into the beauty salon with intentions of just shaving it. But the stylist was so sweet and took time to sit with me, actually look at my hair and realize I wasn't emotionally ready to just shave it. So she cut it the shortest it's ever been! It's off my neck and basically a small curly fro. I wasn't in love with it. Obviously, I wanted my long hair back. haha It's grown on me since then though. BUT! I do absolutely LOOOOVE the fact that all I have to do is wake up. I don't even mousse it! Which is something that I needed when struggling with energy. Yesterday, I actually discovered that putting a headband in it makes me like it way more. So today, I'll be going to get lots of cute headbands. I'm excited because with longer hair it makes my hair thinner and every time I tried wearing one, it'd just fall off. But I wore one all day yesterday and hardly ever noticed! As in, it didn't hurt behind my ears much. So I'm more excited about my hair now, than I was originally. Also, I'm excited cause I may not have to shave my head at all! It's not falling out in the back! The back is very thick and growing. The top is definitley struggling and in general my hair is dried out and not it's normal. But I'm encouraged thinking this is the worst of it. We'll see! I have to say though, I've learned to appreciate hair on a whole new level. I've never really cared one way or another with my hair. My Dad never let me cut it when I was living in his house....so I learned to just braid it and that's about it. But since moving out on my own, (When I was 19) cutting it short (cause it used to be so long) and experimenting with color, style, length I just started to learn to appreciate my hair. And now? I definitely appreciate it on a whole new level. God gave women hair for a reason! It's a covering! I can't even put into words the raw emotions I've felt by continually cutting it shorter and shorter. Especially when it's not by choice. It's just been an experience that I hope to never have to deal with....ever again! haha


Besides chemo and loosing hair, there's our housing/Theo's work situation. We waited and waited for orders to Station Washington D.C. that the Coast Guard said they'd give us, only to find out at the end of last week that we didn't get orders. They want him still stationed out of Detroit but TDY (which is basically like a side assignment) in D.C. for six months. Which means MI pay. Which also means, if we have to return in six months, we don't want to get rid of our place there. So we went from having hope (even putting a lease on a house here in VA) of being in our own bed and home soon, to everything going up in flames! We still have no idea what we're going to do for housing. We can't afford rent in MI AND VA. We can't even afford rent in VA on MI pay. So! The boys are back with my Mom for right now. Theo is currently in MI getting his work gear and a few things for us. He starts back to work on Monday. I'm staying with family friends for now. So, it's been less than stressful trying to figure out what in the world we're going to do. If I could afford a Nanny, I would 100% be moving back to Michigan! It'd be a whole lot easier! Sadly, I don't have money for that. Today I will be making calls to see what kind of financial assistance I can get though. Oh! And this situation is made even more difficult because we only have one vehicle and it's a truck. So A)Theo cannot afford to commute to D.C. from Fredericksburg, VA in that and B)He can't even keep it parked at a commuter lot cause I need it for Dr's appointments. So, things have just been chaotic and stressful. And honestly, with me not knowing when I'll be able to sleep in my own bed in my own house....it's really stressing me out. It's very hard to fully relax because everything is so temporary. But Theo and I are trying to remain faithful to prayer and reading of scripture. It's so very hard to remain hopeful/peaceful when everything is so unsettled. But I know without a doubt that my God is faithful and even when I don't understand....HE does! And I keep reminding myself of that!


So there's an update. I'm glad I finally was able to blog! I don't think I forgot anything. haha!