The Battle

So, I figured a good way to help myself would be to blog. I never do this consistently enough. I should do it more often....but I don't. LOL Oh well....such is life. Anyways, I've been having mental battles. Actually....I dunno if it's exactly battles...as much as freak out sessions and just worrying in general. Basically, what's going on in my head.....is everything wrong in the world. There's so much going on. I remember when I was pregnant with Isaiah....I went through this phase where I was paranoid about dying. I told Theo repeatedly that if I were to die in an accident or something....to save the baby. I think that's mostly just a hormonal "momma" tendency. Well this pregnancy...I really think it's only natural to have more freak out sessions. I'm pregnant, I have a 1yo to keep up with, we're moving...there's a lot of changes going on in my life. A lot more stresses than what I had with Isaiah. So I think a lot of this is due to my hormones. Which I do NOT appreciate. lol So, alright. These freak out sessions? They're about everything unknown to me/man in general. Like....judgement day is on the top of my list. I do not believe Judgment day is going to happen on May 21st. Mostly because of the verse "But of that day and hour knoweth no [man], no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only."~Matthew 24:36. I continue to not understand why people keep trying to label a day. Just leave it in God's hands! We're obviously not going to know....so stop trying to figure out an exact day. I just don't get it. But anyways, I keep dreaming about end times...or dying...or someone else I know who's a Christian dying. So, basically...it freaks me out. I mean...have you ever read the details of how Christ is coming back? It's scary! I also had this problem when I was pregnant with Isaiah....anything unknown or thriller-ish I couldn't watch/be around etc. So I avoided a LOT of movies and stuff when I was pregnant with him. I'm going to have to start doing that with this pregnancy because everything is freaking me out! So anyways, after thinking about how scary Judgement Day is....then it pains me SO greatly to think that my baby boy (both of them) might not go to heaven. Now THIS...I'm so sure is a Mother's instinct thing kicking in. Us Momma's don't ever want to be away from our babies. We Never want to have our baby's harmed without being there to protect them or make them feel better. So I'm SO sure the freak out of "what if my baby doesn't go to heaven" is more along those lines. *sigh* Doesn't make the thought much easier to deal with though. I do know that there are rare cases when God saves a child's heart. I can only hope and pray mine is one of them! I do need to read the Bible to him more often. We pray all of the time....but....we all need to get more better at reading the scripture....because without it...we have no guide to life. We need to be doing what God says....how can we do that if we don't know what HE'S written?! Anyways....so these are the main things that have been bogging down my brain and taking me away from restful sleep. Last night I was DESPERATE for sleep....plus Collin was laying on my Sciatic Nerve...so I was in a lot of pain. So I prayed. I prayed about everything and anything until I fell asleep. I think God's wanting me to give more to HIM. And to thank HIM more. I have been blessed with SO much...and I don't thank HIM enough. It's so very sad how much HE does for us...and we don't even realize. So after praying that he protect me from my dreams and that I have a peaceful rest....I had it for the most part. I woke up randomly twice last night....but promptly prayed and went right back to sleep. It was wonderful. Thank you God for covering my heart with love and allowing me to have peaceful sleep. I did have a dream that my Mom died in front of me...it's a long story/dream....but I was so upset and she was able to talk to me from heaven sort of. Anyways....it was real creepy...which lead me to waking up. So, I woke up....came in here...started to read my Bible. It's been way too long since I've done it. I wasn't even sure where to start. But what I did was log on FB...the first status I came upon that had a Bible reference/verse listed....I read it. The whole chapter. I must say....a lot of it went over my head...which means I'm WAY past rusty. But I must remember not to let "life" get in the way of me doing what I'm supposed to do. Now that I have little one's sitting through church isn't really for me any more. I have to train them to sit through church etc. But I need to make sure I'm fellowshipping with the right kind of people and having my own private Bible reading time. It's going to help me grow so much. And as far as these dreams and turmoil....I'm pretty sure they're mostly to do with my hormone levels right now. I think I'm going to pray my way through it. Try and forget thinking of things like that...and just move on. It seemed to work to pray for other's...not just myself. Because then it got me thinking about how other's struggle etc. So that's a good thing! For sure! So that's my morning so far. And I do feel a lot better. Blogging is also reminding me that I owe and Isaiah update....and I needed to record the "Whopper Story" LOL!!!! maybe I can do that today. If not...oh well. I think I feel more sleep coming on! Yes! :)