The Labor Story Part 3-Saturday(3-27-10)

I'm on a roll tonight! This is the 3rd blog I've typed for tonight! WhooHoo! :)

Saturday, March 27th, 2010, also known as, Addie's 23rd birthday! :)
So, after everything had been done, I failed to dilate any further. The Dr's let me sit on pitocin for 6hrs and I still, nothing else happened. The Dr came in and told me that it had gone on too long now, and that she wanted to do a c-section. I agreed and started getting really nervous. I asked how long it would take to get the baby out. Her reply was "usually no more than 5 minutes at the most, that being after we make the incision." Then I asked how long the actual c-section would take and her reply was "Normally it doesn't take more than an hour and a half. But that's rare." At this point Dad and Isaiah arrived. They came almost right before I went in for the c-section. The epidural guy came in and explained to me, that because I had an epidural, that should be all I'd need for the c-section and I should be able to stay awake and see the baby being born. I was really happy to hear that. They examined me one more time, checked to see where the baby was at. I still hadn't dilated anymore. As everyone's starting to dart around the room and get everything ready, we called Ezekiel and I got to talk to him and tell him what was going on. That was so nice to be able to talk to him and feel like I had everyone there. Theo started to suit up and get ready. They told me that first I'd have to go in, and then right before they'd make the cut, they'd call Theo in. I told them okay. I was scared as crap. I tried not to show it, but really what I wanted to do was break down and cry and run for the door. But I was also eager to get my baby boy out, so I laid there as they wheeled me away from my family. (at this point I would like it to be known that I am crying remembering all of this, and all of this is VERY hard for me to think about and go over in my head. I have avoided it for this reason.) As I'm laying there on the table in this freezing cold room (I remember that was the 1st thing I said when I got in there "It's freezing in here!!!" lol) they uncover me and I'm totally exposed to the cold air. I felt very unprotected but just tried to focus on the fact that the sooner they get me ready the sooner my husband will be able to come in. So I'm laying there. They strap my arms down so that I'm laying basically "T" shaped. The epidural dude (who I will also note, up until this point I thought it was ENTIRELY weird) put an oxygen mask on me and was telling me that he numbed me all the way up to just under my boobs. I still couldn't feel anything. He asked "Can you feel that?" and I was like "Feel what?" He then told me he had been pinching my skin up on my chest....hahaha...I never felt it. I was feeling pretty darn good at this point. They told me they were about to tell Theo to come in. The epidural guy explains to me that he can make me not feel any sharp pains but besides that, that's all he can do for me. I told him okay and that I was feeling good. He started rubbing my head, which sounds weird, but it was oddly very comforting. Then Theo comes in. I'm talking to him about this or that....and then I all of a sudden felt this MASSIVE amount of pressure! I don't know how else to explain it! I started yellping with pain! They asked what was wrong and I could barely talk, but I told them "pressure! Pressure PRESSURE!!!!!" He kept rubbing my head and telling me he couldn't take that away but just to relax. I tried and started bawling. I was so scared and in so much pain. I was gripping Theo's hand for dear life. All of a sudden I started to feel really sleepy along with the pain. I told them that I felt sleepy and the epidural guy kept rubbing my head and said "It's okay...just close your eyes! Go to sleep!" Before I knew it, I thought I was dying. The beeping of my monitor starts to turn from a solid beeping noise to a blurred drone and the lights above me start swirling and the voices in the background start fading out. I did NOT understand what was going on. I was so scared and officially I remember thinking "This is it. I'm dying. This is what it feels like to die." And thats the very last thing I remember. The next thing I know is that the beeping starts turning into a more solid beeping noise again, but this time, I could not recall ANYTHING!!!!! I had NO idea where I was, what was happening, or what had happened for that matter! I started crying right away. The only thing I did remember was that I wanted Theo! Right there and then, I needed him. I was so scared. I kept trying to talk, but nothing would come out of my mouth. Finally I cried out, "Where's my husband?! I need him! I want my husband!!!" I was bawling so badly. Scared....I know I've used it, but some how that just does NOT describe how I felt. I finally heard them say "He's in the room across the hall! We're going to get you to him, don't worry. He's right there!" I couldn't open my eyes, I had NO idea who was talking to me....I just had NO clue. The only thing I knew, was that I wanted Theo and I felt like I was going to loose it if he wasn't there. Then...the epidural guy says "Honey, we have to take the epidural out." As they're sitting me up (cause I certainly had no power over my body) I feel him yanking it out of my back and I scream "NOOOO!!!! I need it! I don't want to hurt!" Then I'm pretty sure I passed out again. Again I woke up and they were saying they were going to move me onto the bed. I kept screaming and bawling for Theo. They continued to tell me the same thing. Finally....OMG! FINALLY, with me bawling and steady calling for him, they roll me into the recovery room. I hear Theo finally say "I'm here! I'm right here!" and I screamed "Why did you leave me?!" at him. Maybe not so much screamed, but more as cried and strongly asked. lol I was so upset. At this point...I did NOT remember that I had A)Been pregnant and B)Had a baby. I still at this point could not open my eyes. I still was so confused and I'm pretty sure I kept passing out, cause everything just seem to keep coming in waves. I could hear my Mom saying "Hannah! Here's your baby! He's here! Hannah look! He's right here! He's beautiful!" It took me a LONG time to register what she was saying. She says the whole time she was trying to put his face up against my cheek so I could feel him. I don't remember that. I also could feel someone had my right hand and someone had my left. Theo was trying to explain to me that he didn't leave me. He had to come out with the baby. THEN, it finally registered, where I was, why I was there and that I had actually had a baby! I asked them if they had given him formula and they said they had and that started my bawling all over again. Finally I tried to start opening my eyes again. It was so hard. I can't even explain to you the heaviness. Like saying there was a 10lbs weight on each eye, doesn't quite describe it. Its very hard to remember all that went on after this. I know that at some point I finally started to figure out what was going on. I finally saw my baby and my reply was..."Oh.....he's so......cute..." it was in a very drugged tone they all tell me. I also at some point realized Addie had my left hand. Then at a different point in time, I realized Isaiah had my right hand...and which point I replied "Oh.....Hi." I more than anything just remember the confusion. It did take a long time for that to come back. As a matter of fact, I was pretty much knocked out for a solid 24hrs. The drug they gave me after that was pretty strong and every time I hit the button to pump more into my system, it would knock me out again. So, now that I've typed out how I felt about it all. I will later on, write a blog about things that happened that I don't remember but Theo and Mom told me about. I was really knocked out and foggy headed and confused for a long time...just about 24hrs if not more. So, a lot to me, I'm just going off what they said happened, cause I certainly have no recollection of it all. Anyways, I think I've done enough crying for tonight. I will try and get on here soon and fill in the rest of the blanks. But I can tell you, I will NEVER for the rest of my life, forget these feelings. NEVER!