A Break From The Labor Story....

So, I know it's been awhile! And I know I should finish the "Labor Story", and I will, but it's just now, I have time to blog and I don't feel like talking about that. I have a few things that have just been hurting my heart so very much lately. I have prayed and prayed about it, and I just am at a loss. So I figure blogging is the best solution. LOL So, anyways, here's the deal. I have found through this whole process of getting married and having a child...that life changes will let you know who are your true friends and who aren't. Now, I have had some pretty darn good friends. One's who have been by my side through pretty much everything. So why is it, that all of a sudden, these changes, a certain friend, one of whom I've considered my closest, seem to push them away? I don't understand. I have prayed about this and seeked council over this. I am not in the wrong here sadly. I wish there was something I could blame myself for, because maybe it might make the hurt not nearly as bad. Not only have a read my Bible, prayed, forsook council, talked with this extensively with my husband, I have also tried talking to this friend. And nothing changes. Now, I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, but I am merely stating that I have recently had a very hard time lately. The c-section was very traumatizing to me. Whether it is to other people doesn't matter....my family who was there can tell you...I will more than likely have post traumatic stress from it all. And I can tell you...that as of right now...that's true. I have a feeling a bit further down the road, I will break down over it all again. I know that certain people will never and don't understand what it feels like to have a c-section...and some women can go through it just fine....I on the other hand did NOT. Anyways, I don't want to go into that now, but the point of that is, do you think this friend knows ANYTHING about how I'm feeling and what I've been dealing with lately?! Nothing! This friend may think they know, but they have NO IDEA!!!!! Lately there's been small efforts to contact me...but to be honest, I haven't wanted to respond to them. I feel like half the efforts are lame excuses. Tell me how they can make so much time to do EVERYTHING else but be there for me?! I don't understand. Someone suggested to me, that maybe this is their way of saying they just are done with me and they don't want to consider themselves close to me anymore. Well...if that's the case...I wish that person would just come out and say it. It would make things so much easier for me!!! It really would. It would be totally unfair to me, but at the same time, whens someone's being honest, can you honestly be mad at them? I don't think I can. At least I try not to be, if, I feel they're being really honest. Anyways, on the upside of all of that...I've learned I have some really good friends in people I didn't exactly know I could be really good friends with. There have been quite a few people who have made such an amazing effort to come and see me and visit with me and make sure I'm doing well. Shannon Baxter, yet again, such an amazing friend, even if she can't be there in person...she texts me and calls me and makes sure that I feel loved by her. Another person like that is Shenise Edmonds. I am SO grateful for that girl! She's def far away from me in person, but texts me, facebooks me, and always makes sure she's there for me. And to think...we've only met in person about 2x's. She also is making a trip here soon, at the end of the month, and is going to come and see me! She's coming from...I think Utah? How amazing is that?! Then there's Laban and Tracy who were amazing and have been the only people to offer to cook a meal and bring it. Oh, actually Mrs Carter did too, but she's sick so we haven't gotten hers yet! LOL Tracy even offered to take days off work to come and help me out. They do not make a ton of money and I know it would be a sacrifice taking off work, but she offered and that geaster moved me to tears. So sweet and kind. Sharyn Thomas drove all the way from VA Beach to visit me with a 5 month old! She spent a nice relaxing afternoon with us and her cute CUTE baby Liam! It was so nice to have her here and I felt so grateful for the fact that she also was willing to drive up and see me. Treneka and Sheneka Gross and Katrina Stewart have been here to see me in MD multiple times. Treneka was even so sweet as to give my Man Man his own personal photo shoot. Also, when I went down to VA for a VERY short trip, they had an early Mother's Day gift waiting for me! There are also Mrs Freed and Rachel Fleming who are coming here soon, but the dates for them to come haven't gotten here yet. LOL Also, I have had overwhelming amounts of help from my Mom and my sister. They have come up, I believe 3x's since the baby was born? Maybe 2, it's late and I can't exactly remember. LOL Mom is always willing to drop anything and come running. The other day, when the baby had been up all night, I went into her bedroom early in the a.m. and asked her to just take the baby for a bit. She no questions asked, jumped right up to help. These kinds of things make me cry now, as I sit and type this. Now I know some of you might say "Oh well, that's her Mom, she's supposed to be like that." I am grateful for my Mom in ways I can't express with words. It doesn't matter whether she's "supposed" to be helpful or not. My sister as well! She's been so helpful and she jumped and done things that go above and beyond what she might normally do. So tell me, with all this love, why is it, that someone who claims to be my best friend and family...can treat me like they're treating me?! How is that possible?! I've come to the conclusion that it's not. No one that truly cares about you, and really loves you, treats someone this way. I have done nothing wrong. Nor do I deserve that kind of treatment. So, even though it hurts my heart so much, I am going to focus on the people that are making overwhelmingly kind gestures. I cry as I type this, because I am so truly touched by these people who have made sacrifices for me. There are also a few other people who have been sweet enough to just text me and ask how I'm doing and tell me they love me and they care, and they don't expect anything back. People like Kim Bosson, Kelly Spellane, Ezekiel Brooks, Kayla Sasser, Jessica Gray and John Sluga. If I forgot anyone I'm really sorry! Anyways, I do feel a bit better, and I'm just going to focus on those who I know really care! Anyways, maybe now that I'm done with this, I'll finish my laboring story! hahahaha!