It's Only 7:35a.m?!

So, yes! It is only 7:35a.m. and I feel so accomplished ALREADY! A huge deal for me! LOL I've replied back to some emails. Then I checked my Facebook. Then I got dinner sorta going (set out stuff to thaw etc), then I cleaned up the living room, sorted coupons, got letters ready to be mailed, wrote out grocery list, put biscuits in the oven for breakfast, and........uhm...OH! Got dressed, cleaned up and ready for the day! I feel so good! Let's hope this lasts all day cause I have more stuff to do! LOL! I'm trying to decide right now, whether I want to wake Isaiah up and go to the store first? Or.....let him wake up....feed him breakfast....then go to the store? The problem is that, I need these ingredients like ASAP. I'm making Chili! So I want to get the chili started now! So that it can slow cook longer. So, I think I'll wait for the biscuits to finish, then I'll go wake Isaiah up. He can go a bit without breakfast. The stores just up the road. LOL Soooo....Off I go! To accomplish more this great day! :)

Isaiah Update....FINALLY!

So it's been past due for an Isaiah update! I know you all have already read the "Poop Story" and that's sorta like an update. LOL But it's time for the picture/summary update! :) Here we go!

Isaiah is almost 11 months old. Today is the 23rd and he will be 11 months on the 27th.

Isaiah's favorite food is still Banana's. Although he loves French Fries, Chips, anything fatty we let him have! :) He takes after his Momma that way! :)

Isaiah finally had his first "Happy Meal!" It wasn't from McDonald's but from Chick-Fil-A. He had a 3piece Nuggets meal and LOVED it! He ate just about all of it too! He got a book in the meal it's called "Biscuits Day At The Beach" It is currently his favorite book! He sits and reads it ALLLL of the time!

His best friend is still Justin Carter. Even though we don't get to see him often. :( Although, Isaiah is very friendly and has developed quite the network of friends. ;)

He loves to play with cars. It's so adorable! It is the only toy he actually plays with properly. I love it!

He says the words: Dadda, Momma, No, Yeah, Uh-Oh and I think that's it. He's really into mimicking sounds right now. So even when we say a phrase or something he's really good at mimicking the sound. He still hasn't made the relation though, that Momma is me. :( But he says it so for that I'm happy! LOL

He consistently goes to bed at 6:30p.m. and wakes up at 7a.m. Normally he checks in with Dadda when Dadda's getting ready for work. Dadda will go and give him milk, tell him good morning and he'll fall back asleep.

He has taken is 1st step. However, any further steps have yet to be made. He is quite lazy actually. He doesn't mind walking if we hold his hands, but as far as making an effort on his own, he's not for it. LOL!!!!

He's a crawling maniac! He crawls every where and very fast.

He participated in a Huggies Crawling Race. He won round 2 and made it to the finals. He won a $10 Babies R Us gift card. The only reason he didn't win the final race was because a Dad cheated and put his arm in front of Isaiah stopping him. *sigh* Oh well! :)

He loves to give "Lovvins" He kisses his Momma all the time! He even kisses Baby Scheu! He has NO concept that his life is about to change, but for now it's cute to just watch him kiss my belly. :)

Dadda is still is favorite person. Although Uncle Patrick is a close 2nd. Sometimes he even calls Uncle Patrick "Dadda" due to the close resemblance. lol He also is very fond of Grandpa and Uncle Bogus(Isaiah) and Pop Pop. Basically any male. LOL

I will have to continue this later....Isaiah woke back up. I think he's sick. Bleh.

Poop What?!

So I know I was supposed to get on here before now and explain more about the pregnancy, but as I'm sure you've guess, I've been busy. LOL But I wanted to take a little time out to share a "Mommy Story"

So today was been pretty bad for me. I dunno whether I have a cold or something. I can't have flu because Isaiah and I both had the flu shot. But I'm 10 weeks pregnant now, and as of the past 1.5weeks, I haven't had any mornings sickness. It's been wonderful! So I dunno whether this is more morning sickness or what. So basically, I put Isaiah in his play pen and let him play there until lunch. Then I fed him lunch. The site of his lunch almost made me throw up all over him. Then I put him down for a nap and had "Mommy relaxing time". I even took 1hr nap! It was wonderful. Well when I got him up, I put him back in the play pen and gave him a snack. Some Rice Mum Mum's and I think that's it. Anyways, I noticed a slight smell of poop as I'm laying on the couch, but I just couldn't get myself to get up. Well later on, I notice he was sitting in his play pen and picked up something dark colored and put it in his mouth. I thought to myself "Well that's weird, I haven't given him anything that looks like that to eat." Then I notice a very VERY nasty poop smell. I flipped out! He had smeared it all in the bottom of his play pen. It was busting out of his clothes and diaper. There were chunks of it on his toys, there was a toy that he had saturated in poop laying on the floor. OMG! I was about to burst into tears. But I told myself..."Hannah, crying isn't going to solve anything. Do 1 thing at a time. Get the baby to a safe poop free place." So I carried Isaiah right away directly to the bath tub. I washed his clothes off and let the water run from cold to hot. I then proceeded to take off Isaiah's diaper and wash his butt in the running water. Then cleaned out the tub of particles of poop. Then ran him a clean bath. Then I washed his clothes in the bathroom sink. They were so stained I couldn't just let them sit til Theo could take clothes to the base to wash. Meanwhile Theo texts me and says "Everything okay?" Well that inspired a class 1 meltdown. I bawled my eyes out and just sat in the hallway at the bathroom door, bawling my eyes out. Then it occurred to me, that I wasn't getting anything done that way. So I dried my eyes and got up to tackle the living room nightmare. I thought "Well good thing the kitchen trash is full! Cause now I can just clean with wipes and paper towels and put it in the almost full kitchen trash and take it all out at one time! perfect!" Well, I lift the kitchen bag out of the kitchen trash can...and this WRETCHED smell took over! There was chicken juice covering the ENTIRE bottom of the trashcan!!!!! It was terrible. Not just a little bit, but a TON! Ugh! So I cried some more. Then I went back to just rest and get some composure. At this point my head is pounding. And sadly for me Tylenol doesn't do anything for me! So, I can't take anything for headaches while pregnant. :( So, anyways.....eventually I came in and ended up cleaning up most of it. I'm leaving the trashcan for Theo and the poop covered toys are waiting in the kitchen sink for Theo as well. Unless I can compose myself enough to get in there before he comes home to clean it. *sigh* I doubt that'll happen though. And thank GOD for a frozen Lasagna Theo bought the other day. I just finished popping that in the oven! So now I don't have to worry about what to eat. That should be done in about 1hr! LOL Oh man! So that's my short version of my "Mommy" story. Ugh! What a day. Theo will be home in less than 2hrs and I'm counting down the time. Now for me to feed Isaiah dinner and probably almost barf over that. *sigh* Ugh!

Uhm about that miscarriage.....

So, it's been awhile since I've updated my blog. Basically it's been a whirlwind. I've stayed busy going to appointments for both Isaiah and I. Visiting my brother for his birthday and various other things. So...I was gonna write a ton...but now I can't. SO...I'm going to leave this blog with this one statement.

I'm almost 9 weeks pregnant! Wait?! WHAT?!?!

Yup...it's true. I'm not leaving this blog quite yet...and that wasn't my last statement and I am in fact...still pregnant! :) But I will type more about that at a laster date! :)

Wow!

So, I've made the decision to stay off Facebook for awhile. I had a MAJOR tearful meltdown today when I logged onto Facebook and yet ANOTHER girl is pregnant. It's so hurtful! Not that I'm not happy they're pregnant, but at the fact that EVERYONE around me (who's married) is getting pregnant and I loose my baby. :( It's so hard. I just can't deal with seeing it anymore. And I really can't deal with people talking about their pregnancy's and etc. It's just too much. Soooo....yeah...I'm sticking to blogging, texting and emailing. We'll see how that goes.

The struggles of a miscarriage....

Wow! I just had NO idea how much you can struggle from having a miscarriage. It's a WHOLE roller coaster of emotions. It's so very difficult. I just had no idea. Since becoming pregnant with Isaiah I had always thought about "What if I had a miscarriage?" I mean....it's only natural. But I succesfully had Isaiah so I thought I was on the high road far from bad things that can happen during pregnancy. So....since having Isaiah it has been a struggle to become pregnant again. I got pregnant SO quickly with Isaiah. I just don't understand. Right away I was pregnant. And then....not that we were exactly trying, but Isaiah is plain spoiled. He needs another sibling. And Theo and I both feel we're ready for another baby. We love babies. So, naturally...even though we weren't "trying" we figured it'd be any day now that we'd find out I was pregnant again. Well meanwhile, while I struggle to be okay with not being pregnant right away. And also struggling with SEVERE PMS to the point where it basically is like I'm pregnant. Everyone around me pops up pregnant. It's so very hard. Just about everyone I know that is married right now...is pregnant. :( It's SO very hard to deal with. I don't understand it. I just keep reminding myself that God has a master plan. And even if I'm not aware of what it is etc...that I should be confident in the fact that it is HIS plan and HE is in control. That is SO much easier said than done. SOOOOOO much! I keep praying that God give me peace. And towards the end of December...even though I was having MAJOR pregnancy symptoms, I just ignored them and continued to live life. I of course hoped I was pregnant.....but at the same time, I thought I was going to be okay if I wasn't. Well...all of a sudden my boobs produce milk again and I think "THIS MUST BE IT!!!!" So I take a test and VIOLA! Hannah's pregnant! I was so very excited and happy. I finally felt like I wasn't a failure. Like I had finally done something right and that my pregnancy symptoms were in fact pregnancy symptoms and not just severe PMS. So....of course I was totally over joyed. And lemme tell you. When a women finds out she's pregnant.....that cell...that isn't quite done replicating yet and etc....automatically becomes a baby. It doesn't matter anything else. It's a baby. So I automatically jump ahead to when the due date might be. Not feeling the greastest that I'd have to go through the whole summer pregnant. But praising God that I'm finally pregnant and that it's not impossible. Well it's amazing how quickly you can come crashing down. Oh...is it amazing! The very next day I start bleeding and cramping. Actually, the new me stayed very positive through all of it! The old me would've been negative right away and said "Nope....It's a miscarriage and there's nothing to change that." Well...something in me wanted to hold on and think "MAYBE! Maybe this is just a weird fluke thingy! Maybe I will still have a full term pregnancy and maybe I will have another little boy or a little girl." I don't know what made me do this. And to be honest...even though I'm 99.9% sure that I am having a miscarriage....I still am holding on to that .1% chance that I'm still pregnant. Although I just highly doubt it. There's been far too much blood clotting and cramping and pain in general. It's so very sad. I want my husband to be with me. But he has to work. Thankfully Isaiah is doing really well. He hasn't been too much to deal with...because it's REALLY hard to pick him up. I have a lot of lower abdominal pain. So, I do thank God for that. And when I woke up this morning, Isaiah and I prayed this prayer. "Dear Heavenly Father. We want to thank you for allowing Momma to have a very healthy pregnancy and bringing Isaiah into the world. He is a healthy, intelligent little boy and we thank you for that Father. We thank you, that you have blessed both Momma and Daddy with such a wonderful gift as a son. We also want to thank for allowing Momma to get pregnant. Even if it didn't last, we want to thank you for allowing Momma to know that YOU can create life in her again. And please allow her to trust in what she doesn't know or understand. And help her see that it is for YOUR will! In Jesus name we pray. Amen." Isaiah of course had no idea what any of that meant. But it was still very good for us to do that. I feel very alone right now. And it's very hard to log onto Facebook and see how pregnant women are commenting on other pregnant women's facebooks talking about their baby's or due dates or etc. It's just SO hard. As of a couple of days ago I was thinking I was going to be able to join them. And now, I won't be able to. :( And you know....he's a lesson I have learned through all of this. It used to be...when people told me they had miscarriages....that I thought "Oh that's so hard. I can understand how you would feel." NO! I could NOT understand how they feel. Sometimes you have to go through things in order to understand. I'm not sure why God makes it that way, but it hurts. And I know there are other women out there who have had miscarriages and then went on to have succesful pregnancy's after that....but for me...right now...it seems pretty hopeless. I shouldn't say that....cause again...God is in control! And I should learn to be SO secure in that....but it's hard. Because my left over pregnancy hormone's aren't helping out in any way. I cry off and on. And I finally did take some medicine to help with the cramping. I had held off hoping that maybe it was just a fluke and I needed to suffer through it and not hurt the baby with medicines. But...today when I woke up the bleeding is so bad...I just couldn't take it anymore. So now that the pain has subsided some what now all I can focus on is my emotions of it all. I am so alone. I feel....I dunno....so sad...and hurt....and mostly alone. I dunno why that is. But maybe that has something to do with what God's teaching me through all of this. Oh! And I did want to say...that I do not believe that when I miscarried the baby went to heaven. I don't believe that. People say that to make you feel better but it doesn't make me feel better. The Bible says baby's are born in sin. So if they're born in sin....how can they go to heaven? I don't think they can. And people also say "your baby will be waiting for you in heaven." I mean...at this stage...it was barely a baby. I dunno...it just irritates me when people say that...cause it's not true. I know that God took my baby for a reason...and that almost comforts me more than people saying the baby went to heaven. *sigh* And I know I keep calling it a baby....but it was a baby. I went through sever tiredness and hunger to grow that baby....and so I don't care how big it was...it was a baby. :( And I miss it...and I will miss not feeling it kick and grow into a person. But...God made the decision. So God....please make me trust YOU and be okay with YOUR decision.

So.....that's just something I wanted to type out. Who knows if any of it makes sense, but what I do know is that I feel better right now. So I guess that's all that matters. *sigh*

A Not So Bright Side to the New Year....

So....*sigh* When the New Year came...I had high hopes for this year. I mean...last year was wonderful, being that we celebrated our 1st year anniversary and Isaiah was born. And of course there were other great things. But last year was also very difficult for me. I learned a lot about friendships which was NOT easy for me. So when the New Year was around the corner I was SO very excited. Also towards the end of last year I was struggling with getting pregnant. I really wanted to have children close together. REALLY! And so I became really worried when I didn't get pregnant right away. At the end beginning of November I had a failed pregnancy. Which is basically a fertilized egg that for some reason failed to attach to the uterine wall. So that was disappointing but I decided to stay positive and keep looking forward. Well as Theo and I welcomed in the New Year of 2011, I had been fighting MASSIVE hunger. I mean...I ate and ate and ate....and I just couldn't stay full. Which I thought odd. Also I had other pregnancy symptoms that I kept shrugging off....just thinking it was PMS or whatever. My boobs had also been pretty dang sore and just felt odd. Well when I was in the shower Monday night I pressed gently on my boob to see if that helped it feel better. Well all of a sudden I have white milk coming out! WEIRD...I think yes! Being that my milk dried up when Isaiah was 6.5 months. So the next morning I took a pregnancy test. It said I was Pregnant!!!!! Exciting right?! Well it was until today. You can come so quickly crashing down. :( It appears...as of today....that I'm having a miscarriage. I talked to my Dr and she said I need to be seen...but the soonest they can get me in is Friday. :( So I basically have to wait til then to see if I'm pregnant or not. Which either way...it's depressing. I mean...I'll be SO Happy if it turns out I'm still pregnant...but at the same time, dealing with the emotions now SUCKS!!!! It's just awful. So.....things are really rough right now. I'm trying to stay positive and remember that God is in control and that whatever happens is for HIS will. But emotions suck! They get in the way of doing what you need to do. So if you read this....which I doubt anyone will....don't say anything. We told my Mom but we haven't had a chance to even tell the rest of our families. So...you can comment on here...but don't say anything to anyone. *sigh* But I doubt anyone will read this and probably by the time they do....it'll all be out in the open. So....I guess that's it for now. I feel a bit better.