A Not So Bright Side to the New Year....

So....*sigh* When the New Year came...I had high hopes for this year. I mean...last year was wonderful, being that we celebrated our 1st year anniversary and Isaiah was born. And of course there were other great things. But last year was also very difficult for me. I learned a lot about friendships which was NOT easy for me. So when the New Year was around the corner I was SO very excited. Also towards the end of last year I was struggling with getting pregnant. I really wanted to have children close together. REALLY! And so I became really worried when I didn't get pregnant right away. At the end beginning of November I had a failed pregnancy. Which is basically a fertilized egg that for some reason failed to attach to the uterine wall. So that was disappointing but I decided to stay positive and keep looking forward. Well as Theo and I welcomed in the New Year of 2011, I had been fighting MASSIVE hunger. I mean...I ate and ate and ate....and I just couldn't stay full. Which I thought odd. Also I had other pregnancy symptoms that I kept shrugging off....just thinking it was PMS or whatever. My boobs had also been pretty dang sore and just felt odd. Well when I was in the shower Monday night I pressed gently on my boob to see if that helped it feel better. Well all of a sudden I have white milk coming out! WEIRD...I think yes! Being that my milk dried up when Isaiah was 6.5 months. So the next morning I took a pregnancy test. It said I was Pregnant!!!!! Exciting right?! Well it was until today. You can come so quickly crashing down. :( It appears...as of today....that I'm having a miscarriage. I talked to my Dr and she said I need to be seen...but the soonest they can get me in is Friday. :( So I basically have to wait til then to see if I'm pregnant or not. Which either way...it's depressing. I mean...I'll be SO Happy if it turns out I'm still pregnant...but at the same time, dealing with the emotions now SUCKS!!!! It's just awful. So.....things are really rough right now. I'm trying to stay positive and remember that God is in control and that whatever happens is for HIS will. But emotions suck! They get in the way of doing what you need to do. So if you read this....which I doubt anyone will....don't say anything. We told my Mom but we haven't had a chance to even tell the rest of our families. So...you can comment on here...but don't say anything to anyone. *sigh* But I doubt anyone will read this and probably by the time they do....it'll all be out in the open. So....I guess that's it for now. I feel a bit better.