Hair, Hair, Hair

So I can't remember if I've said much on this subject or not. And what does it matter? It's my blog. haha It's late at night, I can't sleep, so I was watching Parenthood. I'm totally hooked on this show. Christina, one of the characters, got breast cancer. Which of course hit pretty close to home for me. I'm grateful I didn't have that kind. But, the struggle, the emotions just become so raw again whenever I watching or hear of someone going through it. I was so incredibly blessed because I didn't have a painful cancer and I didn't get very sick from chemo. But it was still a huge struggle in my life. Anyways, one of the episodes, Christina shaves her head. Woah! I did NOT expect to be hit with such overwhelming emotion. I mean, this is March and I had to do that back in September/October. Barely 6 months ago. I have hair now. I wasn't completely bald for a long time. But the raw emotion of being stripped of your womanhood. Not because you want to. Not because you'll think you'll look good.....because you HAVE to. So many people have said "Oh you look good!" or "you're rocking that bald head" etc. To be honest...it doesn't make you feel more a woman because someone says so. I had worked so hard to grow my hair out. To have it long. Then I had to shave it. There was no security on my head. No covering. When I was busy being insecure about about my body (all my new scars, bruises etc) I didn't have anything to take away from that. In fact, a bald head draws attention. I had forgotten about all the stares I'd get when we were out. The pitying look. Not that I'm mad at those people...but it makes you feel so open and exposed. In the next episode, Christina bought a wig and had a special night out with her hubby. I don't feel like going into my personal details on the matter. But, I just could so relate and it was strange to me how raw it all still felt. I'm not angry, I'm not upset. I was just remembering the pain and emotions of not having hair....and it's indescribable. And I'm pretty sure it's something I will never forget. Ever.